When Darkness Turns To Light
by Queen of Shadows
Summary: AU post 4x04. Kurt and Blaine attempt to come to terms with Blaine's infidelity and what it means for them. Will Kurt ever be able to forgive him? Is there anything that can help him decide?
1. Chapter 1

Kurt woke up with a jolt, still hearing the echoes of "I'm sorry" ringing through his head. He had never been so happy to wake up from a dream before. He kept re-playing the nightmare over and over again, seeing the look of guilt on Blaine's face, feeling the pit in his stomach form; his eyes were even sore as if he was really crying instead of it just being a dream gone horribly wrong.

It wasn't until after he took a deep shuddering breath that he noticed someone else's breath warm on his neck. He looked next to him and saw Blaine lying on the bed. He was as close to Kurt as he could get without being on top of him, and Kurt then realized that Blaine had one arm around his waist. It was as if suddenly realization hit him, and he remembered that it wasn't a dream after all. Blaine really had surprised him with a visit, really had admitted to cheating on him, really had broken his heart. Fresh tears burned Kurt's eyes as he looked down at the man he loved.

He went to bed that night hoping that what had happened was just a nightmare. It wouldn't be that strange if it was. There were countless nights where Kurt woke up flooded with fear, terrified that Blaine would find someone else, frozen with dread that he wouldn't be able to deal with the distance. He always managed to calm himself down with a quick look at a text massage from earlier in the day (usually an "I love you" from Blaine) or looking at a picture of them together. He had always told himself that he was crazy for thinking such things, that Blaine would never do that to him. Oh, how he wished he was actually right. He was still having a hard time wrapping his head around the idea that he was wrong.

Blaine moved next to him, wrapping his arm a little tighter around Kurt's waist, and Kurt had to take a long breath to stop himself from letting out a sob. He remembered going to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, staying as far away from Blaine as he could. Blaine had seemed more than willing to give Kurt his space, turning over and facing the other direction. Sometime during the night though, Blaine had moved closer to Kurt and pulled him into a hug, turning him into his own personal teddy bear. Kurt wasn't really surprised. He remembered from the few times they had slept together before that Blaine was a cuddly sleeper when he could be. They could fall asleep barely touching and would still wake up with Blaine holding Kurt. Whenever Kurt would call him on it, Blaine would just smile and say, "I guess even when I'm unconscious I want you in my arms."

Kurt couldn't stand being in bed anymore. If he had been by himself he might have managed staying where he was, but it was just too hard with Blaine right there, holding him. He got out of the bed and watched Blaine shift as he adjusted to losing his teddy bear. It only took a few moments before Kurt could tell Blaine was back in his deep sleep. He wanted to walk away, wanted to get away, but he couldn't will his feet to move yet. Instead, he stood there watching Blaine sleep. His eyes burned again and the familiar lump formed in his throat.

"How could you?" Kurt asked softly for what felt like the hundredth time that night, even though he knew he wasn't going to get an answer.

Kurt was finally able to force himself to walk out of the room when he didn't get a response. He went to the kitchen and started a fresh pot of coffee, knowing that there was no way he was going to be going back to sleep that night. He glanced at the time and decided that the two hours of sleep he managed to get would just have to be enough. He waited impatiently for the coffee to brew as he leaned forward on the counter next to the coffee pot. The tears that had been threatening to fall since the moment he woke up and saw Blaine lying next to him came easily. He was actually surprised that he didn't let out choked sobs. Instead it was just a steady flow of hot tears falling down his cheeks.

When the coffee was done, Kurt poured himself a cup and moved to the living room. He sat down on a random chair, tears still streaming down his face. He kept hearing Blaine's apologies in his mind. They seemed so sincere, so heartfelt, and he loved Blaine so much that he was tempted to accept them. Kurt knew that he couldn't though. As much as he may want to just forget the night ever happened and move past it, he knew that he wasn't going to be able to forget the reason those apologies were needed.

Kurt knew long distance relationships were hard; he knew it was going to take work on both their parts for them to survive as a couple. It was true that they were having trouble giving each other the time they both needed, but he never thought it would come to this. He knew Blaine would be lonely, knew that them being apart was going to cause some problems. Even if it was his life that was causing the separation, even if it was his life that was cutting their time down, Kurt felt the sting of loneliness too. He knew how Blaine was feeling all too well, but he had resisted his urges to find some temporary relief from the pain. He knew it wouldn't be worth it, it wouldn't be worth losing the person he loved most of all.

Kurt couldn't stop himself from replaying the night in his head. Blaine had said it didn't mean anything, it was just a hook up, like that was supposed to make it okay. Even if there really was absolutely no emotion to what had happened between Blaine and his "hook up" it had an emotional impact on Kurt. The fact that Blaine couldn't go without sex for two more weeks until they were together and could let all their sexual frustrations out on each other told Kurt that he was more concerned with sex than love. Kurt knew on some level that that probably wasn't really true, but that was how it felt.

Kurt tried to focus on the sexual aspect of what happened to distract from the pain of the emotional betrayal but even that was proving to be unsuccessful. Despite how angry Kurt was with Blaine, there was still a part of him that thought _mine!_ with him, but he wasn't his anymore, at least not only his. Blaine had let himself be someone else's, even if only for a night or an hour. He couldn't stop picturing things that made him blush and cry at the same time; he could practically see Blaine sucking someone else's dick, looking up at him to watch the guy come undone like he always liked to do with him; he could see him riding someone else, hips stuttering as he got close to his orgasm; he could see him under someone else, groaning as he adjusted to being so full. Kurt shook his head to clear those images away. Those were supposed to be things they only got with each other, and he hated picturing Blaine getting those things was someone else.

Kurt looked out the window to see the first signs of the sun creeping up. He tried to not think about the man in his bed, tried to not think about sex, tried to not think about the ache in his chest, but it was futile. He couldn't get Blaine out of his head. He felt like his insides had been torn out, but he knew that wasn't possible, even figuratively, because if they had been torn out they wouldn't still be hurting him. He never knew he could feel this broken. It was like a part of him was dying slowly and painfully. An unfamiliar darkness was creeping its way into every fiber of Kurt's being. The light he had come so accustomed to feeling with Blaine was being replaced.

Kurt wasn't sure when or how, but he finally managed to stop crying. He sat there quietly and watched the sun come up, forcing himself not to think about Blaine or what had happened. It was just too painful, and he was tired of crying. He knew there would be more tears eventually; he was too hurt not have more tears in him somewhere, but for now he was all cried out.

He heard noise coming from the bedrooms, and he was both hopeful and fearful at the same time. He didn't know if it was Blaine waking up, and if it was, he didn't really know how to feel about it. He knew they had to talk about what happened, they had to come to some sort of conclusion about what it meant for them, but he wasn't ready for that talk. He didn't think he would ever be ready for that talk. They were going to have to talk eventually though. It was unavoidable.

Kurt felt relieved and upset when he saw that it was Finn who was awake and not Blaine. He took notice of the bag in Finn's hands, saw that he was trying to sneak off. A part of him was mad that Finn was just going to try to run away, but another part of him understood it. He wanted to run away from Blaine and what happened so it was understandable that Finn would want to run away, but they couldn't.

"You can't just run away," he said as he turned on the light next to him.

"Dude, you totally spooked me," Finn replied. "I thought I was the only one awake."

"I've been waiting for someone to come out. I was hoping it'd be Blaine." _At least, I think I was hoping it would be Blaine_, he thought.

"You guys okay?"

Kurt thought about that for a second. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know the answer to that question. "I kinda feel like I'm gonna die." Kurt couldn't think about that, didn't want to think about how hurt he was so he turned his attention back to Finn and the bag in his hands. "I guess I don't have to ask you what you're doing, apparently."

Finn looked down then back to Kurt. "I'll talk to her later about it. I just have to get away for a little bit."

Kurt wanted to scoff, but he didn't have the energy to. "Six months ago did you ever think that things would be like this?" It was a rhetorical question, of course. Neither of them could have imagined that things would be how they were.

"Sometimes I miss high school, ya know?"

Kurt offered a soft nod because he did know. He missed high school too. He would never miss the bullying, never miss the looks him and Blaine got whenever they showed any affection in the hallway, never miss classes, but he missed Glee club, missed when things were simpler, missed when he knew, without a doubt, that Blaine wanted him and only him. He missed when everything was easier, missed being happy.

"Come on, give me a hug before I ago," Finn said.

Kurt obliged, there was never a doubt that he would. These two may have started off strange, to say the least, but they were brothers now, and they needed it. They needed the good bye, they needed the comfort. They hugged each other tightly for a few seconds before Finn pulled away and walked to the door.

"Do you want me to say anything to Rachel?" Kurt asked.

Finn thought about that for a second, thinking it might be easier to have Kurt do the dirty work for him, but he couldn't do that. When he was ready, he would have to deal with Rachel on his own, and he knew it. "No."

Kurt nodded again, and watched Finn walk out of their apartment. He went back to his chair and watched the sun finish rising with a feeling of dread. He knew the next time he heard someone stir that it was going to be hard. He was either going to have to explain to his best friend that her lover just snuck out, or he was going to have to talk to his boyfriend about the damaging night. Neither was a conversation he was looking forward to. He tried to mentally and emotionally prepare himself for either situation, but he quickly realized that there was nothing that could prepare him for his talk with Blaine. He could rehearse an entire speech in his head, know exactly what he wanted to say and just how he wanted to say it, and that would all go out the window the second he laid eyes on him.

Kurt heard movement coming from the direction of the bedrooms again and wondered briefly which person woke up, but he knew the answer instantly when he heard Blaine quietly say his name. He froze. He wasn't ready for this talk, wasn't ready for Blaine to be awake, wasn't ready to face him. He took a couple of deep, hopefully calming, breaths to keep himself from crying again just at the sound of his voice.

Blaine walked out of the bedroom and found Kurt sitting on the chair. They watched each other silently for several long moments, neither of them moving to get any closer to each other. Kurt was thankful he didn't waste time trying to prepare for this confrontation because he was right, the second he saw Blaine his mind went empty.

"Hi," Blaine said quietly.

"Hi," Kurt replied just as softly.

"How long have you been up?"

"A while. I couldn't sleep."

Blaine nodded but stayed quiet for a minute before he said anything else. "Can we talk?" he finally asked.

"Talk," Kurt told him, but his voice sounded empty.

Blaine watched Kurt quietly for a few moments before he could even think of what to say. He was the one who wanted to talk, but he had no idea what to say. There was nothing he could say to make up for what he did. He knew that too. He knew what he did was unforgiveable. He had tried to make excuses last night, tried to put the blame on Kurt because he was lonely with Kurt busy in New York, but he knew that it was his own fault. He brought all this pain on himself, and he hurt Kurt, the one person he could honestly claim was the love of his life.

"Kurt, I am so sorry," Blaine said.

"You said that already," Kurt replied.

"I know. I just…I want you to understand that it didn't mean anything to me."

"Well, it meant something to me," Kurt retorted, finally showing a touch of emotion.

"I know, and I'm so sorry I hurt you. It was a stupid mistake. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat."

Blaine sighed. It was killing him watching Kurt sit there, so hurt and empty, knowing it was his fault. He wanted so badly to pull him into a hug and tell him everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't do that. Not only did he know Kurt wouldn't want to hug him, but he knew he couldn't honestly tell him everything was going to be okay because he didn't know if it was. He wished that everything would be okay, but he really didn't know if that was going to be possible after what he did to him.

Blaine wiped a silent tear away. "What happens now?" he asked.

Kurt sighed and looked out the window. He couldn't watch Blaine anymore. Since he had walked out of the room, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of him, but the look of desperation on Blaine's face was too much. He was too good at giving the puppy eyes, and Kurt always wanted to cave whenever he saw those hazel eyes looking at him that way. He couldn't give in though, not this time.

"You need to go back to Ohio," Kurt said.

"I know that. I meant with us," Blaine pushed.

"I know what you meant, but I really don't have an answer for that."

"I don't want to lose you, Kurt." Blaine's voice cracked a little as he spoke, unable to fight the hot lump in his throat. "I love you."

Fresh tears fell down Kurt's cheeks at that. He thought after all the crying he did last night and since he woke up that he would be out of tears but no such luck. "I love you too, that's what makes this so hard."

"Kurt, I'm sorry," Blaine said again.

"Please, just stop," Kurt said and looked back at Blaine before he could get another word out. "I can't hear anymore apologies about this right now."

Blaine gave a quick nod, and Kurt noticed another tear fall from each eye. Blaine was trying to keep it together, trying to look like he wasn't dying inside, but he was failing miserably. Kurt could see the tears falling, could see how Blaine was literally trembling as he held back sobs. Blaine leaned against the closest wall and slid down to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and held on to them tightly. Even though he knew there was nothing that could stop the tears, he was hoping that if he had something to hold onto that he would be able to control how his body was shaking.

Both boys stayed where they were in silence for a few minutes. Blaine got his body somewhat under control in the quiet so they were both silently crying. They watched each other from across the room, both feeling like they should look away, but both finding themselves unable to divert their eyes.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Blaine finally asked with a choked voice.

"I don't know," Kurt replied. Blaine finally let a sob escape at that, but Kurt forced himself to ignore it. "I don't want to make a decision while everything is still so…raw, and, trust me, if you really don't want to lose me, you don't want me to make a decision right now. I need time."

Blaine nodded but made no attempt to speak. After a couple minutes, he stood up and went back into Kurt's room. He changed and packed his things quickly and silently, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He would go back to Ohio and give Kurt the time he needed.

Blaine was just about to walk out to say good-bye when he realized that this might be the last time he saw Kurt. If Kurt decided they were done, they might never see each other. That thought hit Blaine like a ton of bricks and literally knocked the air right from him. He stumbled backwards and ended up sitting on the edge of Kurt's bed. He was trying to fight around the lump in his throat to breathe. He had to remember how to breathe, or he was going to pass out. He thought quickly about what might calm him down, but nothing came to mind. He fell on his side, allowing more tears to fall as he barely managed short gasps of air. He tried breathing through his nose to see if that would help and that was when he was hit with an all too familiar smell: Kurt. The smell wasn't anything specific, it was just _him_. The scent of Kurt surrounding him helped him relax. He was able to breathe again after a few moments of inhaling the aroma of the person he loved.

Blaine took several deep breaths before he managed to get out of Kurt's bed. He wiped his eyes with his palms and noticed how painful it was due to how much and how hard he had been crying. He grabbed his bag, and with one final deep breath, he walked out of Kurt's bedroom to go face him again.

Kurt hadn't moved since Blaine left the room. He was still sitting in the same chair, in the exact same position, watching the same spot on the wall where Blaine had been a few minutes earlier. The only difference was that his eyes were redder and his cheeks were wetter. Blaine watched Kurt, wanted to do something to comfort him, but he knew there was nothing he could do to make any of this better so instead of going over to him like he wanted to, he walked to the door.

"I know you probably won't believe me right now, but you really are the love of my life, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice still thick with tears.

All Kurt could do was nod in response. He couldn't even bring himself to pull his eyes away from the wall to look at him. He didn't want to see the look in those eyes that he loved to get lost in, didn't want to see the guilt plastered across his handsome face, didn't want to see the lips that he use to fantasize about kissing only to find out that reality actually lived up to fantasy. He didn't want to look at someone he loved knowing that they caused him all this pain.

Blaine knew he wasn't getting any other reply from Kurt so he forced himself to open the door and walk out. He shut the door behind him and wanted to fall right there, but he knew he couldn't. He commanded his legs to move, and he walked away from the door, down the stairs and out of the apartment building. He had to stop himself from collapsing again when he got out of the building. He settled for going to a nearby bench and waiting there until his flight back to Ohio. He could still see Kurt's building from where he sat, and he couldn't stop himself from watching it.

_How could you be so stupid?_ he thought to himself.

Kurt looked to the door when Blaine shut it behind him. The instant Blaine left, Kurt had the urge to follow him, to tell him he forgave him, that he loved him and still wanted him in spite of everything. It was as if once Blaine wasn't around for him to be mad at, he wanted him around to comfort him, and that was exactly why Kurt needed Blaine far away while he processed what all this meant for them. He knew the ball was in his hands, so to speak, and that he was going to have to make a clear decision. He couldn't make a clear decision when he knew he could crumble so easily to the boy who hurt him.

Kurt stood up from the chair he was sitting in and walked to the door. He opened it to make sure Blaine wasn't waiting on the other side, like he had to make sure he was gone so he wouldn't be tempted to chase him. Once he was certain Blaine was gone, he shut the door and walked back to his bedroom. He looked at the disheveled bed and sighed.

Kurt crawled into his bed and grabbed the pillow Blaine had used the night before. He brought the pillow to his chest and hugged it, breathing in the scent of Blaine. He couldn't help the extra tears that fell then. He didn't know if he could handle never having that scent in his life again. It wasn't just a particular hair product or cologne or deodorant or anything like that, it was just the smell of Blaine. It was something Kurt had learned to associate with love, tenderness, happiness. Unfortunately, Kurt also associated the smell with heartache and betrayal now.

Kurt didn't know what to do. He felt too much to make a decision. He didn't know if he would survive losing Blaine, but he didn't know if he would ever be able to forgive him either, and a relationship can't work if one person doesn't trust the other. If one person can't get past the betrayal of the other then they would inevitably fail.

Kurt knew he didn't have to make his choice right then though so he didn't try to. Instead, he settled for letting himself cry into what was Blaine's pillow. He could be an adult and make a decision later. For now, he just had to be a boy who got his heart broken by someone he loved.

-:-:-:-:-

Please review and let me know what you guys think or if there is anything I can improve on. I'm very nervous about writing this couple well. Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

-:-:-:-:-Chapter 2-:-:-:-:-

Kurt struggled opening the door with the vase of roses in his arms, but he managed. He had contemplated seriously about throwing the roses out the instant he received them. He settled for throwing the note away. It didn't satisfy him as much as he hoped it would, but it helped, and he couldn't stand the idea of throwing away perfectly good flowers. A part of him was even pleased that Blaine remembered the red and yellow color scheme Kurt had started the previous year. He tossed his keys on the counter and put the flowers down next to him just as Rachel walked into the room.

"What are those?" she asked and pointed to the roses.

"Apology roses from my adulterer," Kurt replied with a glance at the roses. "I couldn't bring myself to throw them away."

"Oh, baby, come here," Rachel said and pulled Kurt into a hug. He had to sniffle back tears. He didn't want to cry, but it was hard not to when he was being comforted. "How you doing?"

Kurt just looked at her, and the look was enough. He wasn't doing well. Blaine had been gone two days, and Kurt was still randomly going into crying fits and still sleeping cuddled up to the pillow that still smelled like Blaine. He also wasn't any closer to making a decision about what he wanted. He had been ignoring all calls and texts from Blaine and was automatically deleting any e-mail from him without opening it.

"I'll be fine," Kurt said. "How about you?"

"I'll be fine," Rachel replied with a fake smile.

Kurt knew Rachel too well for her to lie to him about how she was doing. He had heard her crying periodically, seen how her makeup had bled, but he knew she didn't want to talk about it so he didn't push and let her lie to him. After all, he was doing the same thing to her.

"Come on," she said grabbing a carton of ice cream from the freezer and two spoons.

Kurt groaned. "What are we doing?"

"We are going to go in the living room and watch RENT and sing along with all the songs," she replied with a grin. "And we're going to eat a ton of comfort food while we're at it."

"Oh, yeah, great, Blaine didn't want me enough before so let's add ten pounds of fat and see if that helps." Kurt meant for it to come out light hearted, like he was trying to make a joke of the situation, but it came out bitter.

"It wasn't like that, sweetie," she said with sad eyes. "I'm not saying I forgive him for what he did or even that I understand why he did it, but we both know it wasn't because he didn't want you."

Kurt sighed. He thought he did know that it wasn't because Blaine didn't want him. He had made it very clear in the past that he did want him, and there wasn't a doubt in his mind that Blaine would have rather been with him. But the fact that Blaine couldn't wait to be with him did cause him to question just how much Blaine wanted him. Could he really want him as much as he claimed if he went elsewhere?

Kurt sighed. "I don't know."

"Well, I do," Rachel said. "Trust me."

Rachel walked over to Kurt and put an arm around him. She led him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. She put the ice cream down next to him and went to go start the movie. Kurt opened the ice cream while he waited and took the first bite. When Rachel got back to the couch, he handed her the other spoon and they ate their ice cream and watched the movie. They didn't burst into song as strongly as they normally did, but they still sang along and enjoyed the movie. A night of wallowing in pity was exactly what both of them needed.

Kurt went to his room after the movie was over. His room was a mess so he turned his IPOD on shuffle and started rummaging through all the items on his floor and scattered across his dresser. It was working as a good distraction until Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" came on. _Just my luck_, Kurt thought as he sat down on the edge of his bed.

Even before the other night that song always reminded Kurt of Blaine because it was the first song he ever heard Blaine sing, the first day they met. Of course, it didn't help that Blaine loved to sing that song. Blaine sang that song to him without any instruments after the first time they had sex, when they were just laying together in Blaine's bed, and a few different nights after that. Kurt had actually even heard Blaine's piano version of the song before the time at Call Backs. Blaine had done that song that way for Kurt when he found out he didn't get into NYADA. He liked the song slower, and he loved Blaine's voice with that song.

Kurt started the song over when it ended and that caused danger lights to flash for Rachel. She walked into Kurt's room and saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes closed, listening to the song.

"Kurt…" Rachel started, but she didn't know what to say.

"It's not the same," Kurt said and opened his eyes. His voice was empty, like he wasn't feeling anything as he spoke, but of course that wasn't true. "This version, it's not the same as when he sings it. You have no idea what I would do to hear him sing this song right now."

"Wouldn't that just make you even more upset?"

"Maybe, or maybe it would help me figure out if I could go without ever hearing him sing to me again."

Kurt took a deep, slow breath and swallowed around a lump in his throat. His eyes burned with unshed tears, but he was fighting like hell to keep them from falling. He really didn't want to cry. He had cried enough about the situation to last him a life time. He felt like he deserved one day off from crying. He wasn't sure whether he was going to get his day off or not, but he was going to try really hard for it.

"What am I going to do, Rachel?" Kurt asked.

"What do you want to do?" she responded as she sat next to him on his bed.

"I don't know. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him." Kurt had to take another breath in his continuous fight against tears. "But I still love him. I don't know how to imagine my life without him in it." Rachel went into hug him, but he pulled away quickly like she would burn him. "Please don't hug me. I know you're just trying to be comforting and trying to help, but if you hug me, I'm going to cry, and I really don't want to cry."

"Okay, okay," Rachel said while raising her hands up as if to show she was unarmed. "No hugging."

Kurt visibly relaxed when Rachel said she wouldn't hug him. He loved her, and he knew she was trying to help, but he could never not cry when he was comforted. "Thanks."

"Do you really think hearing him sing "Teenage Dream" again will help you decide?"

"It could. That song meant so much to us. I mean, it was what he sang the first time we met, what he would sing to me random nights when we were together, and it was, more or less, how he confessed his guilt to me." Kurt sighed and shrugged. "I'm probably just kidding myself. I'm looking for an easy way to make a hard decision. I guess I just want to know if I can even think about those good times with that song anymore or if all I'm going to be left with is what I felt this last time."

"So ask him to record the song and send it to you," Rachel suggested like it was the simplest concept in the world. "You know he'd do it. Hell, he'd be your willing slave right now if you asked him to be."

"No, no, no, no, no," Kurt replied quickly. "I couldn't ask him to do that."

"Why not?"

""Cause I can't ask him to do anything right now. I can't even talk to him right now."

"You're going to have to decide something eventually, Kurt. You can't just ignore him forever."

"I know."

The song came to end and with Kurt's IPOD on shuffle it started another random one. Kurt glared at his IPOD dock when the next song started. It was Pink's "Fucking Perfect," the song him and Blaine used to always sing to each other in the car. Kurt impatiently walked to his dresser and hit the next button on his IPOD for it to go to another song. He let out a huff when the next song started. It was Neon Tree's "Animal," the first song they ever sang together with the Warblers before they were even a couple. He let out a grumble and hit the next button again only to hear Hey Monday's "Candles," their first duet as a couple at Regionals.

"You've got to be kidding me?!" Kurt nearly screamed as he glared at his IPOD. "Really?"

Kurt was afraid of what he would hear if he hit the next button again so instead he just shut the music off. He turned back to look at Rachel and saw that she was fighting to hide a grin.

"Oh, sure, you think it's funny," he grumbled. "I think the musical world is poking at me and laughing."

"I'm sorry," she said and regained a straight face.

Kurt's phone started buzzing on his night stand so he went over to answer it but froze once he saw who it was calling him. It was Blaine. The picture of the two of them together filled his screen and Blaine's name danced across the top. He grabbed his phone and stared at the screen intently. He was trying to figure out if he had the courage to talk to him yet. He knew he couldn't avoid him forever.

Rachel came up behind Kurt to see who it was and asked, "Are you going to answer it?"

Kurt continued to watch his phone light up and vibrate in his hand for a few more seconds before he placed it back on his night stand. He shook his head. Even though he knew he had to speak to him sooner or later, he still wasn't ready to talk. He still hadn't made his decision.

"I still can't," he said softly while still keeping his eyes on his phone. "I don't care how many signs I'm getting to talk to him, I'm still not ready." Kurt sighed. "I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Okay. Let me know if you need anything," Rachel said, and, with a hug, she walked out of Kurt's room.

Kurt changed into sweats and a t shirt and crawled into his bed. He grabbed the pillow that had quickly become his teddy bear and brought it close to his chest. He breathed in the smell of Blaine and let out a shaky breath. Even with that horrible memory connected to the smell, he was still reminded of some good ones too. He thought of how Blaine always smelled when they finally got to give each other proper kisses after school, away from cruel eyes. He thought about how Blaine always smelled when they would fall asleep together during their movie marathons. He thought about how Blaine always smelled when he first tore his clothes off to get to more skin. Kurt thought about how comforting that smell was to him. Then he would remember why he had access to that smell, it was because Blaine had slept there one night when he surprised him with a visit to let him know he cheated on him.

-:-:-:-:-

Blaine paced in his room, walking up and down the side of his bed, periodically glancing at his phone on his dresser. He had tried calling Kurt two more times that day, once on his cell phone and once at work, only to be ignored both times. He tried another text too and that also went unanswered. He knew he was pushing Kurt to talk to him before Kurt was ready, but he had to talk to him, even if it was just to hear his voice and know he was okay.

Blaine didn't handle being ignored by Kurt very well. It had been just over three days since they last talked, and they had never gone that long without speaking. Even before they became a couple they always talked at least once a day since the day they met. Blaine didn't know how to go without hearing Kurt's voice. He would take getting yelled at by him over being completely ignored by him. Blaine knew he hurt Kurt, knew that the idea of talking to him probably wasn't something Kurt even wanted to entertain, but he had to know that he was okay.

Blaine let out a huff and grabbed his phone. If Kurt wasn't going to talk to him, he had to find out from someone else. He sent out a silent prayer, wishing that his last hope would answer, and hit the call button as he found Rachel in his address book.

"Hello?" Rachel answered with obvious reservation.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief. "I wasn't sure you would answer."

"Well, don't think that because I answered I'm not mad at you because I am still very mad at you, Blaine Warbler."

Blaine gave a small smile at the familiar nickname. Kurt may have been the one to start calling him that, but all the New Directions picked up on. He stayed Blaine Warbler long after he stopped being a Warbler.

"I don't blame you," he said. "I'm pretty mad at myself."

"Good."

"I need you to do me a favor."

"You're asking me for a favor?"

"Please?" Blaine begged.

It was the "please" that did Rachel in. There was such desperation in his voice that she couldn't say no. She was angry at Blaine for what he did, but he was still her friend. "What?"

"Tell me how Kurt's doing."

Rachel sighed. "Blaine…"

"Please, Rachel," Blaine pleaded, his voice thick with emotion. "Just tell me he's okay."

"He's not okay. He's a wreck."

"What do you mean?"

"When he's not crying, he's either trying not to cry, so angry he can't think straight, immersing himself into work so heavily that he's leaving himself dead tired, or blaming himself for _your_ infidelity." Rachel's voice had gotten louder as she continued to talk. Friend or not, the idea that Blaine did what he did to Kurt made her angry.

Blaine let out a shaky breath as he tried to fight off tears. He knew what he did had hurt Kurt, and he knew that he was going to have trouble handling it all, but he still hated knowing that he caused him that pain. He felt so unbelievably guilty. He wanted to just hang up the phone, crawl into a corner and cry, but he couldn't do that. Instead he gripped his phone even tighter and concentrated on getting his breathing under control so he wouldn't cry.

"How could you, Blaine?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know," Blaine said and his voice cracked. He was getting frustrated but not with Rachel; he was frustrated with himself. "There's no excuse. I know that, and I know I shouldn't be bothering you with this, but he won't talk to me, and I just…I just needed to know how he was doing."

"Do you know why he's not talking to you?"

"'Cause he hates me right now."

"He doesn't hate you, Blaine," Rachel replied, her voice growing gentle again. "I think he's tried to hate you, but he can't. He still loves you. I think the reason he isn't talking to you right now is because he knows that if he talks to you, he'll be tempted to forgive you, and he can't do that right now. He has to figure out how he feels about what happened first."

Blaine was quiet then. When he finally spoke again, his voice quiet and almost childlike. "Do you think he could forgive me?"

"I don't know," Rachel replied.

Blaine groaned. He was beyond angry with himself and was growing more and more frustrated about his inability to do anything about the situation. He wanted to talk to him, wanted to tell him that he still loved him, that what happened meant nothing, that it was a mistake. He wanted to make things right again, but there was no way he could. Kurt had to come to his own conclusions about how he felt. He was the one who had to decide if they were going to stay a couple or not.

"This sucks! All I can do if sit here and wait for my boyfriend to decide if he still wants to be with me, and the only reason that's even a question is because of a stupid fucking mistake I made," Blaine said loudly, and it took Rachel aback because not only was Blaine clearly getting angry, he was swearing, and Rachel never heard him swear. "And I can't do a damn thing to help him figure out how he feels about me."

Blaine took several long, slow breaths to calm himself down. He knew he was getting worked up, but this whole situation just aggravated him to no end, and it was made even worse because he knew it was all his fault. He wanted to do something to make everything okay, but he was completely powerless in the situation.

"That's not entirely true," Rachel said, her mind buzzing with an idea of how to potentially help.

"What are you talking about?" Blaine asked.

"Last night, Kurt listened to "Teenage Dream," and he said he would do just about anything to hear you sing that to him again."

"Why would he want to hear me sing that song again after the last time?"

"He said that song meant a lot to you guys, that there were a lot of memories with that song. He wanted to know if he could think about the good times with that song or if all he was going to be left with was the last time."

"Where are you going with this, Rachel?"

"Record the song and send it to him," Rachel replied as if it was the easiest thing in the world

"Are you kidding me?" Blaine asked, his voice rising towards the end to let Rachel know just how crazy he thought that idea was.

"No, I am dead serious. It might help Kurt decide what he wants to do about the two of you."

"How could that possibly help Kurt decide?"

"Look, I don't know all the good times that are involved with that song except that you sang it the first time you two met, but if Kurt can hear you singing that song and think of some of those good memories, then you two might have hope."

"And if all he can think about is the last time?"

"Then it might help him make his decision."

Blaine was quiet again. He understood what Rachel was saying perfectly. If Kurt could hear him singing that song and think of good times he sang that song to him, then he might want to hold onto those good times and be willing to go through the trouble to get them again. But if all Kurt could think about was his guilt ridden rendition at Call Backs then he might decide that the bad was too big, that it out weighed the good, and that it would be best if he just let both go.

"You mean it might help him finally decide to leave me," Blaine choked out.

"Yeah," Rachel agreed gently.

Blaine let out another shaky breath. He hadn't realized how difficult his conversation with Rachel would be, at least not consciously. Then again, he never thought Rachel would come up with this idea either. He was expecting to get yelled at maybe, but he didn't think she would come up with something that might cost him Kurt. He shook his head at himself. Rachel's idea wasn't what was potentially costing him Kurt; what he did was what was potentially costing him Kurt.

Blaine didn't want to do this, didn't want to even think about doing what Rachel was suggesting. He didn't want to risk that Kurt would only be able to think about the last time he sang that song, but he knew Rachel had a point with her logic. Maybe this would help Kurt make his decision, and maybe that decision would work in Blaine's favor. Even if Kurt did decide to let Blaine go, Blaine knew he owed it to him to help him make that decision so if there was something he could do to help, he was going to do it.

Blaine nodded but realized Rachel couldn't see it. "Okay."

"You'll do it?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, I'll do it. I can record it on my laptop and e-mail it to him."

"Actually, you can't," Rachel countered. "He won't get it that way. He's not opening e-mail from you."

"I should have figured that, I guess." Blaine rubbed his eyes out of frustration and to keep the moisture that was forming in them from falling. "Any ideas on how to get it to him then?"

"Burn it to a CD and mail it to our apartment. I'll make sure he gets it."

"Thank you, Rachel," Blaine said.

"It's not a big deal. I live with him. It's pretty easy to make sure he gets his mail."

"I don't just mean for making sure he gets the song. I mean for taking care of him with all this, for not hating me, for being willing to help. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome," Rachel replied with a smile. "Now, pay me back by doing an amazing job with that song."

Blaine scoffed and said, "I'll do my best."

"Good 'cause I have a feeling that once he gets this song, I'm going to be forced to hear it a lot."

Blaine didn't know whether Kurt putting the song on repeat would be a good thing or a bad thing for him so he didn't comment. He didn't want to think too strongly on the idea. He would have plenty of time to worry about Kurt's reaction later.

"Crap," Rachel said frantically, lowering her voice as she spoke. "Kurt just got home. We should probably get off the phone."

"Okay," Blaine said. That was all he could think to say knowing Kurt was on the other end of line. It was like he was so close yet so far, and it drove him crazy.

"I'll talk to you later."

"Okay," Blaine said again, still unable to form a coherent thought.

"Bye," Rachel said and hug up the phone.

Blaine set his phone back down on his dresser and thought momentarily that maybe it was a good thing Kurt was ignoring him. If he got that flabbergasted just knowing Kurt was in the vicinity of the person he was talking to, what would he have done if he was actually talking to him? Blaine took a few moments to dread the next time they actually spoke to each other because he knew he was going to sound like an idiot.

Blaine sighed as he tried to concentrate on the task at hand. He had to record "Teenage Dream" for Kurt, and he somehow had to try and remind Kurt of all the good times that song carried for them, and by some miracle he had to stop him from focusing on the last time he sang that song. He had no idea how to do either of those things.

Blaine thought of every time he sang that song to Kurt and five very different situations came to mind. He wanted to capture what he was feeling each time he sang the song before. Well, each time save the last one. He didn't want to put that into the version he was going to record. He wanted to focus on the good memories associated with that song so those were the ones he thought about. He was down to four instances to draw from.

The first situation Blaine thought of was the first time he sang that song to Kurt, the first day they met. He remembered getting stopped on the stair case at Dalton while he was running late for a Warbler performance. He couldn't help but think about how many times since then that he thanked God for him getting distracted with a book. That distraction was what led him to be late, and if he hadn't been late, he might never have met Kurt. He remembered that he spotted Kurt as a spy the instant he asked about the Glee Club, but he didn't mind. He still took him by the hand and led him to the senior commons to watch him perform. Blaine focused on the initial spark he felt that day. He wouldn't go as far as saying he liked Kurt instantly, but there was instant attraction. Blaine couldn't deny that he was singing that song to Kurt more than anyone else that day. There wasn't feelings yet, but there was definite interest, even if Blaine only realized that in hindsight.

The next memory Blaine thought of was the first time he sang that song to Kurt without anyone or anything backing him up, no Warblers, no instruments, nothing except his voice. Kurt wasn't even aware of most of this rendition. It was the last night they had together before Kurt left for his first Nationals. Kurt had fallen asleep at Blaine's house while they were watching a movie, and Blaine didn't wake him up until long after the movie ended. He just watched him sleep, paid attention to how Kurt would inch closer to him every time either of them stirred at all. Blaine started quietly singing the song to him as he slept. It wasn't a performance by any means. There was no audience, no one to impress; it was just Blaine singing a song that meant a lot to him to the boy he loved. That was the night he realized that he was head over heels in love with Kurt. He poured that love into the song but was too afraid to admit to it until Kurt had come back home. Kurt only caught the end of that version, waking up to hear Blaine finish the song.

Blaine wiped a tear away as he continued his walk down memory lane. He thought about the next time he sang that song. This rendition of the song would always be his favorite because it was such an important night for both them. Blaine had sung this song to Kurt the night they lost their virginities to each other. He remembered how nervous they both were, how they were both being so careful of each other, how Kurt had looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world. He knew that even though they were both nervous as could be that there was nothing that could ruin that night because they loved each other and trusted each other, and they both wanted what they were doing. As they laid in each other's arms after, Kurt had asked Blaine to sing him something, and Blaine started singing "Teenage Dream" while running his hand up and down Kurt's back. Kurt had tightened his hold on Blaine once he heard his voice.

Blaine got to the last instance he was willing to think about with a bitter smile. It was the rendition that was closest to the one he performed in New York. It was just after Kurt had found out that he hadn't been accepted to NYADA. He was so depressed, had convinced himself that his life was over, and when Blaine couldn't convince him that that wasn't the case with words, he used the song. He sat down at his piano and played the song while Kurt watched him and smiled. Blaine was trying to show him that no matter what happened, no matter how much he lost, he would always have him because no one else would ever be able to mean that much to him. Blaine wanted him to understand that regardless of everything else, Kurt was the only one who could ever make him feel like a teenage dream.

Blaine had to stop thinking about the song for a few minutes to get his emotions under control. His vision was blurred by tears and his breathing was getting heaver by the second. He still couldn't fully wrap his head around the idea that those memories might be all he had left. He had to get his emotions in check or he was never going to be able to record that song. He refused to do another rendition that was ruined by crying. He wiped the tears from his eyes and concentrated on slowing his breathing.

After a couple of minutes of failing at his attempts to get his emotions under control, he gave up and let himself cry. He quit holding back and allowed himself to break down on his bedroom floor. He let the hot tears stream freely down his cheeks as broken sobs tore out of his mouth. He cried until his eyes hurt, cried until he couldn't breathe anymore, and he had no choice but to calm down.

Blaine knew singing the song that night probably wasn't a good idea since the emotions were still so fresh, and he was so fragile, but he knew that if he didn't he would lose his nerve on it. He had to get it done. He just had to make sure he didn't sound like he was just crying like a baby. He refused to sound like he was crying when he sang the song this time.

_It's now or never_, Blaine thought. He found his laptop on his desk and grabbed it, squeezing it a little tighter than he needed to. He took shallow, slow breaths to get his breathing under control and walked out of his room. He stopped at the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge before heading to his basement, grateful that his parents weren't home. He so didn't want them to hear this.

Blaine walked to the piano in his basement and set his laptop and water on top of it. He sighed as he sat down in front of it. He traced his fingers over the keys but didn't play anything yet. He pulled his hands away from the piano and sat them in his lap. He replayed the song in his head, over and over again, memorizing every note. He wanted this to be perfect. He couldn't risk a mistake on this. If Rachel was right, this could be very important for his future.

Blaine powered up his laptop and drank about half his bottle of water while it loaded. He cleared his throat, drank some more water, and opened up the recording program he had on his laptop. He had recorded a few songs with this program before so he knew it was trustworthy, but he wanted to make sure everything came through clearly before he actually started working on what he was going to send to Kurt. He set the program to record and played a few notes on the piano, humming along to the beat he created. After singing a few notes, and playing a few more on the piano, he listened to it back to make sure he wasn't getting any unwanted noise. When he was satisfied with the quality he was getting, and when he heard he didn't sound like he was crying, he knew it was time to record the song.

Blaine took one more drink of his water and set it aside. He let out a deep breath and set the program to record again with a shaky hand. His fingers played lightly over the keys on the piano. He had played this several times and practiced it in his head more times than he could count. He was able to kind of forget about the notes on the piano and worry about the words and his voice. Those were how he was going to get his message to Kurt across anyway. _Just think of the good times, Blaine, meeting him, him being in your arms, you being able to get him to smile when no one else could, think about how he made his song a reality_, he thought as he closed his eyes and started to sing.

"_You think I'm pretty without any makeup on._

_You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong._

_I know you get me so I let my walls come down, down._

_Before you met me I was alright, but things were kinda heavy._

_You brought me to life._

_Now every February, you'll be my valentine, valentine._

_Let's go all the way tonight._

_No regrets. Just love._

_We can dance until we die._

_You and I will be young forever."_

Blaine saw Kurt's face flash through his mind then, and he had to pause for a second because it was not the face he wanted to see. The image in his mind was Kurt crying, falling apart right in front of him, as he confessed his guilt. He was, if only for a moment, reliving that horrible night in New York. With a quick shake of his head, he opened his eyes and forced that image from his mind. He wanted to think about Kurt, yes, but not like that. That was not what this was supposed to be about.

"_You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream._

_The way you turn me on, I can't sleep._

_Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back._

_My heart stops when you look at me._

_Just one touch, now baby I believe this is real._

_So take a chance and don't ever look back, don't ever look back._

_We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach,_

_Got a motel and built a fort out of sheets._

_I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece."_

Blaine gave a small smile at that line in the song. Kurt told him that was one of his favorites because it was so true for them. Blaine still remembered the night Kurt explained how much Blaine meant to him, how before he got him, he was lost. He could still remember how nervous Kurt was that night, like he was afraid he was going to scare Blaine away by letting on how much he meant to him. Blaine wasn't afraid though because he felt the same way. He just didn't know how lost he was until he found Kurt.

"_I'm complete._

_Let's go all the way tonight._

_No regrets. Just love._

_We can dance until we die._

_You and I will be young forever._

'_Cause you make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream._

_The way you turn me on, I can't sleep._

_Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back._

_My heart stops when you look at me._

_Just one touch, now baby I believe this is real._

_So take a chance and don't ever look back, don't ever look._

_I'ma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans,_

_Be your teenage dream tonight._

_I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans,_

_Be your teenage dream tonight."_

Blaine closed his eyes again and continued to sing as more and more images of Kurt played through his head. He saw his smile and how his eyes always lit up when he looked at him. He saw the blush that crept onto his face whenever Blaine would mention how much he wanted him. He saw the look of pure ecstasy Kurt wore whenever they had sex. Blaine had all these images in his head, but he honed in on that smile and those eyes. He could live without the sex, without the physicality of a relationship, but he wouldn't be able to handle never having that smile directed to him again, never seeing the sparkle in those beautiful eyes.

"_You make me feel like a teenage dream._

_The way you turn me on, I can't sleep._

_Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back._

_My heart stops when you look at me._

_Just one touch, now baby I believe this is real._

_So don't ever look back, no._

_I'ma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans,_

_Be your teenage dream tonight._

_I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans,_

_Be your teenage dream tonight._"

Blaine tried to hold back a shaky breath after he finished singing and hit the last note on the piano. Once the piano finished ringing out the last note, he stopped the recording. He played the recording back and was surprisingly pleased. It had a slightly unrehearsed sound to it, but Blaine actually liked it. It felt more real to him with the improvised notes. He just hoped it was enough.

Once the song ended, Blaine collapsed forward onto the piano. He knew in that moment, as clearly as he ever knew anything in his life, that even if Kurt did decide they were done that he was always going to be there. He would always be the one who made this song a reality. He would always be the one who made him feel like a teenage dream. Kurt would always be the love of his life, no matter what happened.

-:-:-:-:-

(**A/N**) – Thank you to everyone who has been reading and following this story! It means so much to me that people are enjoying this story so far, especially considering how nervous I was about writing it.

**Lady Luna Riddle** – Don't worry, I am continuing this. I love how excited you are about the idea.

**Bluenoter** – Your review almost brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much for thinking I did justice with a scene like this. I wish we had one like this in the show too.

**MidnightDarkness9912** – I didn't mean to make you cry, but that means I did good, right? ;-) Don't worry, I'll keep going with the story.

**Whenwefinallykissgoodnight** – Thank you! I'm sorry you were crying. Hopefully they were complimentary tears.

**Guest** – Yes, poor Kurt. I'm happy you think I portrayed the heartache well.

The version of "Teenage Dream" I used was the one they released for The Break Up. So, imagine that's the one Blaine's singing to send to Kurt. If you have the song, feel free to listen to it while reading that scene.

As always, please review! I love hearing from everyone, and I'm willing to get harsh criticism if you think I screwed anything up. Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

-:-:-:-:-Chapter 3-:-:-:-:-

Kurt walked into the apartment with a sigh. He was so glad to be home. He had been working all the hours he could get lately to keep himself busy, and it was starting to take a toll on his body. He needed a night without looking at design spreads and articles, without work. He needed a night where he could just relax. He knew Rachel wasn't due home for a little while still so he enjoyed being alone.

Kurt grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and leaned down to smell the roses that were still on the counter. They were losing their smell and were starting to wilt a little. It had been a week since he received them so he wasn't entirely surprised, but he did mourn their passing. It was a reminder of Blaine, true, but it wasn't an altogether unpleasant one. The roses let him know that he did still care in a way, even if there was a bad reason to send them in the first place.

Kurt took a drink of his water as he walked into his bedroom to find a small package sitting on his bed. He assumed Rachel had put it there when she got the mail. He walked over to his bed and sat down as he grabbed the package with an eye roll, assuming it was something else from his dad or Carol. They had sent him numerous little packages of things they thought him and Rachel might need. Kurt's hands froze when he glanced at the return address though. It was Blaine's address. He thought seriously about not opening up the package, about ignoring it like he had done everything else, but he was too curious about what was in the small box.

Kurt grabbed a knife from the kitchen to cut through the tape and made quick work of opening the box. He stopped moving when he spotted what was in the box, a CD case. Kurt hesitantly took the case out of the box and stared at it for several long moments. He opened the case and a small smile crept onto his face with him even realizing it. On the CD itself there for was a note written in hand writing Kurt knew all too well.

**I hope this helps. **

**This is my second favorite rendition of this song,**

**Only behind the first time you asked me to sing for you.**

**Love, Blaine**

Kurt walked over to his CD player and put the CD in. He was pleased with himself that his hands were only slightly shaking as he did so. He thought he knew what was on the CD, thought he even knew how Blaine knew to send it, but he wanted to be sure. He let out a sigh as he hit play and went back to his bed, quickly grabbing the pillow he had gotten used to cuddling even though it hardly smelled like Blaine anymore. Kurt brought the pillow to his chest and breathed in what was left of the familiar scent as "Teenage Dream" started to play through the speakers.

Kurt smiled when he heard Blaine's voice resonate through the room. He was pleasantly surprised when the first thing that popped into his head wasn't the time Blaine sang the song to him at Call Backs. It was a memory from just about a year ago that played through his mind, the time Blaine had claimed was his favorite version of the song. He closed his eyes as he let the memory play over in his head.

He was laying on his back on Blaine's bed with the other man above him. Kurt's hands were bunched into Blaine's hair as Blaine laid soft kisses over every inch of skin he could reach, whispering "I love you" as he moved. Kurt remembered how Blaine's mouth felt on him. He remembered how he was so nervous that night but how Blaine continuously calmed him down with a kiss or a touch. Blaine knew just what to do that night to keep Kurt from having a panic attack while still showing him that he was the most important thing in the world to him.

Blaine had offered to do everything they were nervous about first. He later said that the reason he went down on Kurt first was because he couldn't hold back his desire to anymore, and Kurt believed him because since that first night Blaine had shown that he enjoyed doing that. Blaine had even offered to bottom first since he knew Kurt was nervous about that, but Kurt had insisted that for their first time together he wanted Blaine to top.

Blaine had been so careful when he stretched him open; he tried to make it as painless as possible and tried to distract him when the pain was unavoidable. Kurt remembered the initial burn of Blaine entering him and how Blaine had leaned forward and kissed him deeply to take some of the edge off. Kurt had never felt so connected to someone in his whole life. He remembered watching Blaine move above him and being so happy that his first time was with him.

Kurt had never felt so content with a decision than after his first time with Blaine while he was lying in his arms. Blaine was tracing his hand up and down Kurt's back as they held each other. Kurt had asked him to sing him something, and Blaine had chosen "Teenage Dream," saying that that would always be their song. Kurt smiled at the memory. There was nothing he would have changed about that night. It was perfect.

Kurt hadn't realized how long he was thinking about his first time with Blaine until the song ended. The moment the sound cut out, he missed it. He went back to his CD player and started the song over, setting it to repeat. He gave a small smile when heard Blaine singing through the speakers again. Kurt was surprised at how much he was enjoying the sound of Blaine's voice. He thought he would start crying again the second he heard it because he would be filled with the performance from the previous week and although that performance was there, it wasn't alone, and it wasn't even the most important one.

The most prevalent memory for Kurt was definitely the time Blaine had referred to "Teenage Dream" as their song, and that reminded him of why that was their song. That was the song Blaine had sung the first time they met. He remembered the smile Blaine had given him as he performed the song with the Warblers. There were several other people Kurt could have watched perform that day, but his eyes were only for Blaine. He was sure he looked like a love sick idiot that day, but he couldn't bring himself to care. There were several other people Blaine could have sung that song to that day too, but he kept his attention on Kurt for reasons Kurt still couldn't fathom. That was the day his whole life changed; he had met his closest friend and the person he loved more than he thought possible.

It wasn't until after Kurt had relived those two memories that his mind wandered to Blaine's most recent version of their song. Kurt remembered the tears in Blaine's eyes, how he was losing control while performing, and he knew instantly something was wrong. Blaine didn't mess up a performance, he didn't know how to, and he was letting his emotions get the best of him on that stage. Kurt had no idea what was wrong, but he knew something was very wrong once Blaine's voice cracked the first time. It wasn't until later that Kurt found out that it was guilt getting the best of his boyfriend while he poured his heart out on that stage.

Kurt sighed as the song ended again. During the couple of seconds of quiet before it started over, he heard the door open. Rachel walked right to Kurt's room once she heard the song. She was pleased to hear that Blaine had done a good job with the song. She saw Kurt on his bed and watched him quietly.

"You told him to do this, didn't you?" Kurt asked while casting his eyes on his roommate.

"Yeah," she replied with only a slight hesitation.

"Thank you," Kurt said genuinely.

"Did it help?"

"Yeah, I think it did. It turns out I can think of the good times with that song. The last time he sang it to me wasn't even the first thing that came to mind."

"So what does that mean for you two?"

Kurt eyed Rachel carefully for a few seconds before he breathed in the scent of the pillow again. "I don't know. I mean, how do you just go back to being what you were before after something like this happens?"

"I don't think you do. I think you become something new."

"But is it ever the same? I mean, won't that doubt always be there for me?"

"Maybe. Do you love Blaine enough to find that out?"

"I don't know," Kurt said again with a sigh.

The pair were quiet then for a few minutes. They listened to Blaine's "Teenage Dream" without speaking or making any comments. Rachel noticed how Kurt's eyes closed and a small smile crept onto his face, but she didn't say anything. She always loved Kurt and Blaine together. Whenever she had any doubts in her own love life, she looked to them with confidence; they were her light at the end of the tunnel when it came to love. She still had a hard time grasping the concept that her light might have died.

Kurt thought more about Blaine and about Rachel's question. Did he love Blaine enough to give him another chance? He loved him, that much was sure, but he didn't know if it was enough. Truthfully, he wasn't sure if he was going to be enough for Blaine. For as long as Kurt could remember he felt like he wouldn't be enough for Blaine. He would always be that love-sick boy who fell for the star performer. After they had gotten together, Kurt always felt like he was waiting to wake up from a dream, like what he had couldn't possibly be real because the idea of Blaine actually liking him, actually being attracted to him, was too good to be true. It took Kurt a long time to finally accept that Blaine actually wanted him. All those doubts were back in Kurt's mind. He couldn't help but question if Blaine really did want him.

Kurt didn't know what to do. His relationship with Blaine was the first real relationship he ever had, and it was definitely the first time he loved someone so much it almost hurt. He wished there was some type of manual to tell him what to do, to tell him how he was supposed to respond to what happened, but there wasn't a magical instruction guide. All Kurt could do was look at other people and base his ideas on love and relationships around other people's lives.

"Can I ask you a question, Rachel?" Kurt asked.

"Of course," she replied.

"Was Finn ever able to really forgive you after what you did with Puck?"

"Not right away. I mean, you remember, we broke up after it happened."

"But you guys got back together. Hell, you guys even got engaged after that."

"Yeah, but it took time and us working at it for him to get past it."

"But he was able to forgive you for it."

"Eventually," Rachel said with a nod. "But another thing you have to remember is that I only kissed Puck."

Kurt had the image of Blaine kissing another guy flash through his mind. He forced that picture out only to have it be replaced by several others, each one worse than the previous one. He saw someone's hands traveling Blaine's bare chest; he saw someone else's hand wrap about Blaine's erection; he saw Blaine moaning with his mouth around someone else's dick; he saw Blaine forcing himself into someone else's body. Kurt shuddered as he shook his head in an attempt to rid the images from his mind.

"You know, I don't even know what Blaine did with this other guy," Kurt said with a scoff. "He didn't tell me."

"You didn't ask?" Rachel asked with shock evident in her voice.

"I didn't want to ask. I was afraid of what I'd hear."

"But haven't you just been thinking of _everything_ then? I mean, because you don't know, your mind is automatically going to worst case scenario, Kurt."

Kurt gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah, that's definitely true."

"So find out what happened," Rachel told him like it was so simple.

"I can't just ask him how far he went with cheating on me!"

"Why not? You want to make sure you're making the right decision, right? How can you possibly make the right decision when you're not making an informed decision?"

"Is being informed about it really going to change anything?"

"Maybe. You won't know until you try."

Kurt glared at Rachel. He didn't want to think about asking Blaine what happened. He couldn't deny that his mind was thinking the worst things possible, and he couldn't deny that he had wondered seriously about who it was with, but he was so afraid of what he would hear. He didn't want to risk hearing what his mind was thinking up. A part of him couldn't stop himself from thinking that Rachel was right though. His mind was driving him crazy with what it kept coming up with.

"I'll think about it," Kurt finally said.

Rachel nodded, but stayed quiet. The pair listened to the song again since it was still on repeat. Rachel was pleased. Blaine actually did a very good job with it. She was partially surprised he did so well because of the emotional impact she knew it had on him, but another part of her was expecting it. Blaine knew how much this meant. Rachel only hoped it was enough. She was still a little mad at Blaine, but she wanted to forgive him. Most importantly, she wanted them both to be happy. If they had to break up for that to happen in the long run then she would be there for both of them as much as possible until that happened for them, but she was secretly hoping they could find a way to work things out. She wanted to keep her light at the end of the tunnel.

-:-:-:-:-

Blaine sat on the couch in Kurt's former house with Sam on one side of him and Finn on the other. Ryder was sitting on one chair and Jake was sitting on another, and Artie was next to him. He had been there almost an hour now, and he still felt a little weird sitting there without Kurt there, especially given their current circumstances. Something just felt off about him sitting in what was once Kurt's home knowing that Kurt was still deciding what to do about them, but Sam had insisted on this guy's night. So there he was, surrounded by guys from Glee club, trying to keep his mind on the football game. He was succeeding pretty well actually; at least no one was giving him concerned eyes anymore. He got better and better as the night went on, due in large part to the fact that his favorite NFL team was playing. Thursday Night Football at its finest.

Blaine leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He was watching the screen as his team made their way into the red zone. He was getting into the game really well until he noticed Jake was looking at him very intently.

"What?" Blaine asked him.

"Are you sure you're gay?" Jake asked.

Blaine gave Jake a sideways look before he laughed. "Excuse me?"

Jake actually blushed a little. "Sorry, I just didn't think gay guys usually liked sports."

"Stereotypes, man." Blaine gave a small chuckle to show that he wasn't angry about the question.

Blaine looked back at the TV just in time to see his team score, and he nodded with a smile. He had placed a bet with Sam over the game, and those 7 points put him that much closer to being up twenty dollars. Sam let out a groan.

"You want out?" Blaine asked Sam.

"No, screw that," Sam retorted. "They're gonna come back and win this."

"Alright."

Blaine shook his head with a smile. He was getting less and less uncomfortable as the night went on. Maybe Sam was right; maybe Blaine did need a night with the guys. He was actually having a good time watching football with his friends, even if he was at Kurt's house. After all, it was Finn's house too, and Finn was completely okay with having him there; he even mostly forgave him for what he did. Blaine had completely relaxed into the night and stopped thinking about Kurt. It was a nice break for him.

Everything was going very well until Finn noticed a car pulling into the drive way. He stood up to see who it was, but he couldn't tell.

"I thought you said Burt and Carole weren't coming home this weekend," Blaine said to Finn a little nervously. He really didn't want to come face-to-face with Burt with how things were between him and Kurt.

"They're not," Finn replied, confused until he saw who emerged out of the backseat of the cab that was in the drive way. His face fell. "Oh, shit."

Blaine stood up from the couch, intending to walk over to see who it was that made Finn respond that way, but he froze when that person walked in the front door. Kurt. Blaine collapsed back onto the couch, unable to hold himself up once he saw the man he loved standing in front of him. He stayed on the couch and continuously reminded himself to breath as he noticed Sam, Finn and Artie move over to hug Kurt. Proper introductions were made between Kurt and Jake, and Kurt and Ryder, but Blaine wasn't hearing that. All he could hear was the blood rushing through his veins. He kept his eyes on Kurt and noticed that he was watching him too.

"Hey," Kurt finally said to him.

"Hey," Blaine said back, surprised he even had a voice.

"I didn't see your car here."

"Yeah, I, uh…"

"I drove him," Sam said, coming to Blaine's rescue. He gave Blaine a teasing smirk, and Blaine gave him a grateful look in response.

"We were just watching the game," Finn said, attempting to break up some of the tension.

"Oh," Kurt said slowly.

Kurt had tried looking anywhere in the room but at Blaine, but it wasn't working. He was not expecting to see Blaine there, and he wasn't prepared for it. He knew the whole reason he came back to Lima for the weekend was so he could talk to Blaine, but he was planning on that happening when he expected it. He wasn't expecting to walk into his old house to find Blaine sitting on the couch.

Kurt and Blaine kept their eyes on each other silently. The tension between the two of them was so thick it was almost palpable, like it was some force that was just waiting to be disturbed. They both could feel the other guys watching them, but neither of them could really bring themselves to care. The only thing they could think about was the fact that the other was right there. No one else made a move either as if they were afraid of what would happen if they did.

"So, it's kinda strained in here now," Finn said being the first to break the silence, and his eyes moved back and forth between Kurt and Blaine.

"I can go," Blaine said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Blaine," Kurt said with a small smile, and that smile instantly caused an equally small one to appear on Blaine's face. "It's actually kind of convenient that you're here. Do you think we can talk after the game's over?"

"We can talk now."

"No. Finish the game. You can come up when it's over."

"You're not going to stay and watch?" Jake asked.

"No," Kurt answered with a head shake.

"See, Jake, Kurt's one of those gay guys who do fit that stereotype," Sam said.

"Oh. Are you two together?" Jake asked motioning between Kurt and Blaine.

"Yeah," Kurt replied to Jake but brought his attention back to Blaine.

Blaine gave a small smile. He loved hearing that Kurt still considered them together. He had little butterflies in his stomach just at Kurt acknowledging them as a couple. He felt like he was experiencing his first crush all over again, or even better, the first time he got to finally say that Kurt was his boyfriend. He loved it.

"After the game?" Kurt asked Blaine.

Blaine nodded. Kurt gave a small wave to the rest of the guys and made his way up the stairs. Blaine watched him walk away until he was out of sight. The second he couldn't see him anymore he wanted to get up and follow him, but he forced himself to stay seated. If Kurt asked for later it was because he wasn't ready to talk yet. The least Blaine could do was give him the extra time he asked for, even if it was driving him insane knowing that Kurt was right up those stairs. Blaine let out a sigh as he tried to get his mind back to the game with no avail. Nothing was going to get his mind off Kurt now.

Kurt walked into his room without looking back. The instant he closed the door behind him he fell down it, letting out a shaky breath as he hit the floor. He wasn't expecting to see Blaine, and his body and mind weren't ready for it. He still couldn't believe he actually said he wanted to talk to him when the football game was over. That meant he had an hour at best before Blaine was going to come up to his room, and he wasn't ready for it at all.

Kurt let out a sigh as he thought about just how close he was to Blaine. He was only a short hall way and a flight of stairs away. Kurt had to force himself to stay where he was. He wanted to run down those stairs and into Blaine's arms. He was still hurting and still mad at him, but he missed him. He didn't think he would have that reaction to seeing him. Kurt thought he would be able to keep himself calm and composed as he questioned Blaine about what happened, but his desire to hold him and be held by him let him know that he was very wrong. Kurt was going to have to have a lot of self-control if he was going to get through the night.

Kurt forced himself off the floor and starting busying himself around his old room to try and keep himself distracted. There was still so much of his stuff there that he almost felt at home in the room. He stopped walking around the room when he spotted a picture of him and Blaine on his dresser. It was a picture of them dancing together from his junior prom. Kurt smiled at the picture. He had the same one in New York, but he broke that frame after he threw it the day after Blaine left. Kurt reached out and touched the picture before he let his hand drop to his side. He sat down on his bed with a huff.

_This is going to be hard_, Kurt thought as he glanced at the door.

-:-:-:-:-

(A/N) - I'm sorry about how long this took me to get up. Sadly, school started back up for me and classes have to be my priority. I will try to get the next one up quicker. I already have it started.

As usual, thank you to everyone who is reading this story, and please review!


	4. Chapter 4

-:-:-:-:-Chapter 4-:-:-:-:-

The game could not have ended soon enough in Blaine's opinion. He couldn't even bring himself to care that he lost the bet to Sam. He handed Sam the money without a word. He said good bye to Jake, Ryder and Artie as they left, but it was obvious that he wasn't really thinking clearly. All he could think about doing was getting up those stairs and talking to Kurt. He didn't care about anything else at that point.

"You want me to wait for you?" Sam asked.

"Huh?" Blaine said, clearly distracted.

"You don't have your car, remember?"

"I'll take him home when they're done," Finn offered.

"Thanks," Blaine said as he finally figured out what they were talking about.

Finn nodded. "And I'm going to stay down here and put head phones on. I don't want to hear screaming…from anything."

Blaine gave Finn a cold look. "We're not gonna have sex, Finn."

"I've heard that before."

"Finn!"

"Fine, but I don't want to hear you two yelling at each other either. I'm just going to do my best to ignore you guys. You can get me when you're ready to go home."

Blaine rolled his eyes at Finn and said goodbye to Sam. True to his word, Finn went into the other room and put head phones in.

Blaine walked over to the stairs but stopped short of walking up them. Now that he was able to go see Kurt, he was petrified to. He knew there was a good chance that Kurt was going to break up with him when they talked, and he wanted to avoid that. However, there was also hope in this pending conversation so he wanted to get there and see what happened. His heart was beating so fast he could practically feel his blood rushing through his veins, and his breathing was erratic. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants. He needed to calm down, or he wasn't going to survive this talk, he might not even get to the talk.

_Get it together, Blaine_, he thought as he made his way up the stairs.

Blaine walked up to Kurt's door and knocked softly.

"Come in," Kurt called from the other side of the door.

Blaine took another deep breath and opened the door. He walked into the familiar room and shut the door behind him. Kurt was sitting on the bed watching Blaine with nervous eyes. Blaine had an equally scared expression on his face. Blaine wanted so badly to go over to Kurt, but he forced himself to stay standing right inside the room.

"You can come sit down," Kurt said, but his voice sounded a little unsure.

Blaine walked over to the bed and sat down next to Kurt but was careful to make sure they weren't touching. He actually tried to stay out of touching distance because he didn't trust himself not to reach out and touch him. His hands were aching to feel Kurt, but he forced them to stay in his lap. He didn't even look at Kurt because he knew that would just make it more difficult.

Kurt watched Blaine carefully for a few minutes in silence. He felt kind of stupid for not saying anything when he was the one who said he wanted to talk, but he was still kind of caught off guard that he was there. He could see how scared Blaine was, and a part of him wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't do that. So instead, he went for a different approach.

"I got the CD," Kurt said. "You sounded amazing."

Blaine smiled shyly. "Thank you."

"I'm sure Rachel told you why I wanted that."

"Yeah," Blaine said carefully, trying to brace himself for what was coming.

"Your performance in New York wasn't the first thing I thought of."

Blaine looked at Kurt with hopeful eyes. "It wasn't?"

Kurt gave a small smile. "No."

Blaine let a breath out that he didn't even realize he was holding. He let himself relax a little after hearing that. If New York wasn't the first thing Kurt thought of then there might be hope after all. Blaine closed his eyes and a small smile crept onto his face. He had never been so happy hear anything in his life. He knew this didn't mean Kurt forgave him, and he knew it was far from over, but it was a step in the right direction.

Kurt wanted to comfort Blaine after he saw how he visibly relaxed at his words. He was itching to make everything better between them, but he couldn't do that yet. He had to find out what he came here to find out. "Blaine, I need you to tell me what you did, and who it was with," Kurt said softly. "I need to know everything."

"Kurt, it didn't mean anything, neither did the guy it was with," Blaine said.

"I know you say it didn't mean anything, but I need to know. Please."

The pair locked eyes for several long moments. Blaine didn't want to do this, didn't want to admit what he had done in any more detail than he had, but Kurt's blue eyes that he loved so much were tearing into him. "Why?" Blaine asked helplessly.

"My imagination has been getting the best of me," Kurt replied just as fresh tears started to form in his eyes. "I've been thinking of everything you could have done, and everyone you could have done it with, and it's driving me crazy. I just want…I need to know the truth, Blaine."

Blaine didn't want to talk about this, but he knew he owed it to Kurt. He sighed and looked away from Kurt. He wouldn't be able to talk about this if he kept his eyes on the man he wronged. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Who was it with?"

"His name's Eli. I met him online through Jeff."

"Did you know him long?"

"No. I'd only been talking to him for about a week before we met up."

"And was that the first time?"

"That was the only time. I haven't even talked to him since," Blaine said and looked at Kurt to make sure he understood and believed him.

Kurt nodded in response to the unasked question to let him know that he believed him. "And what happened when you two met?"

"Kurt…"Blaine said as he dropped his head in his hands.

"Please, Blaine, just tell me."

Blaine groaned and ran his hands through his hair, not caring that he probably just messed it up horribly. He hated this. "How…detailed do you want me to get?"

Kurt thought about that for a few seconds. He wanted to know everything Blaine did, but he hadn't really thought about how graphic he wanted Blaine to be. He wasn't sure he could handle knowing all the details. He just knew he wanted to know what happened. Kurt didn't really know how to answer that question. "Well, I don't really need to know positions or anything, but I want to know what happened."

"Positions?" Blaine inquired softly to himself, and then realization hit him like a smack in the face, and he looked at Kurt. "Wait. You think I actually had sex with him?"

"You didn't?" Kurt squeaked out.

"No!" Blaine exclaimed.

Kurt watched Blaine warily for a minute, studying his face, as if he was trying to find some sign that Blaine might have been lying, but he didn't find anything. Blaine looked so raw in front of him, staring at him, waiting for a reply. Kurt was stuck frozen, still trying to get his mind to wrap around the fact that Blaine didn't have sex with another guy. Slowly, the images of that happening fled from Kurt's mind. Kurt allowed himself to smile as the images of Blaine pushing himself into someone else, and of Blaine being stretched by someone else, floated away. Unfortunately, other images were still present.

"So, what did you do with him?" Kurt finally asked after he found his voice again.

"Mostly, made out, but we did…" Blaine wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to say without making things worse for Kurt so he let his words trail off.

"You got off," Kurt concluded for him.

Blaine bit his bottom lip nervously. "Barely, but yeah."

"How?"

"We jerked each other off," Blaine said, unable to look at Kurt as he spoke.

Kurt nodded slowly to himself as the remaining images left his mind. All he was left with was Blaine kissing someone else and roaming hands. It wasn't good, by any means, but Kurt thought he could handle hands. He hadn't realized until that moment that what Blaine did with this guy really was going to affect how everything went with them. Kurt didn't think what happened would matter that much. As it turns out, it did matter; Kurt just didn't know it would.

"How was it?" Kurt asked quietly. He had no idea why he was asking this, maybe to know if it was worth it, maybe to just have some confidence that Blaine still preferred him, maybe to just know how it was with another guy. He knew it made no sense, but he wanted to know.

"What?" Blaine asked. Exasperation was clear in his voice and on his face as he looked back to Kurt.

"I just mean, you said you barely came, and I've never had an issue getting you to. Was he that bad?"

Blaine gave a short, bitter laugh. "He could have been the most talented guy in the world with it, and it wouldn't have mattered. He wasn't you." Kurt gave Blaine a look that clearly told him he wanted him to continue with his explanation. "Kurt, it was difficult enough for me to get hard for him, let alone come from him because I didn't want him."

Kurt let out a huff and threw his hands in the air. "Then why did you do it?"

Blaine directed his eyes to his hands in his lap. He couldn't look at Kurt, couldn't face what he had done so head on. Kurt looked so defeated, and that look of pain on his face made Blaine feel like someone had stabbed him in the heart and twisted the knife. There wasn't a right answer to the question; there was nothing Blaine could say to make what he did okay, and he knew that.

"Because I wanted you, and you weren't here," Blaine said softly after some time.

Kurt glared at Blaine. "So, because you were lonely while I was busy in New York, doing what you told me to do, you thought it was a good idea to go hook up with some guy?" Kurt's voice was loud, but it was shaking, like he was losing control.

"No!" Blaine nearly screamed. He let out a deep breath to calm himself down. Them yelling at each other wasn't going to get them anywhere, and Blaine had no right to yell at Kurt. "I just…It was nice to feel _wanted_, Kurt."

"I didn't make you feel wanted?"

Blaine looked at Kurt, and that pained expression written on his face was answer enough. No, Blaine hadn't felt wanted by Kurt. Kurt actually felt a little guilty at that. How could Blaine think that he didn't want him? He always wanted him, even when he knew he shouldn't.

Kurt wanted to show Blaine just how wrong he was, wanted to touch him so badly that his hands were aching from lack of contact. He knew wanting to do this was wrong. He shouldn't even entertain the idea of comforting Blaine after what he did, but it wasn't just about Blaine. Kurt wanted the comfort too, he wanted the connection, and he wanted the small sting of guilt that was living in his chest to dissipate.

_Fuck it_, Kurt thought with a quiet huff.

Kurt leaned forward and wrapped one of his hands around Blaine's neck, pulling him into a kiss. The instant their lips met Kurt felt a little better. Blaine froze momentarily under the feel of Kurt's lips on his before he responded hungrily. Once Blaine responded to the kiss, it was as if something clicked for both of them. Something that was missing before fell into place as their mouths worked each other.

The kiss was hungry on both sides, and neither boy wasted any opportunity to taste every part they could get to. Blaine's tongue ghosted over Kurt's lips, and he opened his mouth to tangle their tongues together. Their mouths opened to each other easily, and their tongues battled against each other smoothly. Both were letting out quiet groans and moaning into the other's mouth. Just the feel of their tongues sliding smoothly against each other was heaven. Their hands traveled each other, each pulling on the other, trying to bring that person closer. It was like they couldn't get enough. There was no such thing as too much touching, too much tasting.

Kurt maneuvered himself onto Blaine's lap, spreading his legs so he was straddling Blaine's waist. Blaine's hands moved to Kurt's ass, and he squeezed tightly. Kurt groaned against Blaine's lips as he fisted his hair. Kurt had forgotten how good Blaine tasted, how amazing he felt, how he could allow himself to be so uninhibited with him. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He didn't want to stop. It all felt too good. The more he touched and tasted Blaine, the lighter he felt. The darkness that lived in him the past couple of weeks started to slowly dissipate, and he loved it.

Kurt rolled his hips just enough for their already hard cocks to brush against each other which caused Blaine to let out a moan and grip Kurt's hips. Kurt smiled to himself at the reaction he got and continued his movements. Blaine caught himself raising his hips to meet Kurt's thrusts and couldn't even bring himself to care. He knew he should feel wrong about doing this, but he didn't. All he could think about was Kurt on top of him and how amazing it felt to have him there, kissing him, grabbing at him, rubbing against him. It was so unreal and so wonderful.

"Oh, shit, Kurt," Blaine groaned just as Kurt rolled against him in the perfect way. "God, so good."

Even though Kurt had Blaine's incredibly hard cock to go by, he could tell just from Blaine's word choice that he was so incredibly turned on. Blaine always turned into a dirty mouthed babbler when they fooled around, and Kurt always loved hearing Blaine that way.

Kurt pushed Blaine down onto the bed the rest of the way while never leaving his lap. He continued rolling his hips, continued forcing their cocks to rub against each other. Blaine groaned at the sensation of the new angle, letting out another half swear, and Kurt used that moment to his advantage. Once their lips were no longer touching, Kurt allowed his mouth to travel down Blaine's neck, leaving gentle nips the whole way. Kurt didn't think it was possible, but he had forgotten how good Blaine tasted, forgotten how much he loved making Blaine wriggle and moan, forgotten how the sounds of Blaine's moans were like sweet music to his ears. Kurt had actually always prized himself in the fact that he could drive Blaine absolutely crazy without taking any clothes off.

Blaine let out more hushed moans and obscenities at feeling Kurt's mouth on his neck. When Blaine's shirt stopped Kurt from going any lower, he moved back up his neck and found Blaine's lips again. He pulled Blaine into another hot kiss and started gently nibbling his lower lip. Blaine raked his nails down Kurt's back in response, and Kurt had to let go of Blaine's lip to let out a moan. Blaine grabbed Kurt's ass and captured his mouth again. He swallowed Kurt's next moan as he continued to respond to his thrusts. The combination of Kurt's mouth and his hips was starting to be too much for Blaine. After almost two months of not having either and weeks of not knowing if he would ever get them again, Blaine was losing control. He could feel his whole body tightening and hot liquid pooling low in his stomach.

"Fuck, Kurt," Blaine panted. "I'm…" He had intended to tell him that he was close, but he hadn't been able to finish his sentence because another groan fell from his lips as Kurt started rolling his hips faster, trusting them down on him just a little bit harder.

"I know," Kurt replied with a quick nod and a smile to himself at how wrecked Blaine sounded.

Kurt didn't stop; he couldn't stop. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, knew he shouldn't have started this to begin with, but they were past the point of no return. Kurt was close too, so close. His body felt like it was on fire, and he was shaking before his orgasm even hit him.

Blaine pulled Kurt to him for another kiss. He gripped Kurt's hips as his body got tighter and tighter. He didn't want this to end. He wanted to stay like this with Kurt for as long as he could, but he knew his body wasn't going to give him a choice very shortly. His cock was starting to ache with the need for release, and Kurt kept pushing against it with strong, sure thrusts. He took a moment to be grateful that they hadn't actually had sex because he knew that if Kurt was getting him to go this fast from just grinding with clothes on that the amount of time he would have lasted with Kurt's mouth or ass would have been damn near embarrassing. Blaine finally couldn't hold back any longer and let himself go. He moaned Kurt's name out as his whole body started to spasm.

Kurt knew the second Blaine came, and he let himself go too, following Blaine only a few pumps later. He collapsed on top of Blaine, his head falling next to his, as he waited for his body to stop shaking. He tried to get his breathing under control, but it was so difficult to do when he was inhaling the smell of Blaine and sex.

After a couple of minutes of heavy breathing on both sides, Kurt pulled himself off of Blaine and laid next to him. Blaine whined at the loss of contact but didn't move to hold Kurt there. Kurt looked over at the man next to him and had to fight off a smile. He had missed being able to make Blaine fall apart so completely, missed seeing how Blaine looked after he came. He couldn't even bring himself to care that he might have ruined a pair of nice pants.

"Don't ever accuse me of not wanting you again," Kurt said.

"I might have to accuse you of it more often if that's the response I'm gonna get," Blaine replied with a small chuckle.

Kurt let out a quick laugh. "Sorry about kind of attacking you like that."

"Oh, I didn't mind."

"Clearly," Kurt replied as he gestured to the wet spot on Blaine's pants.

Blaine glanced down at his lap and chuckled, shaking his head at himself. It had been a while since he had been so turned on that he actually came in his pants. Kurt silently got up from the bed and tossed Blaine a pair of his sweats. They had learned a while ago (thanks to situations just like this) that Blaine couldn't fit into Kurt's jeans, but that he did fit into his sweats, even if they were a little long on him.

The boys changed pants in silence. They, surprisingly, didn't even watch the other person even though they were right there, and it would have been so easy. After they both got out of their temporarily ruined pants and into fresh ones, they sat back on the bed. They stayed within touching distance, but Kurt made a point of not touching Blaine. They looked very similar to how they looked before they mauled each other, only with different pants on.

"You know we shouldn't have done that," Kurt said.

Blaine looked at Kurt when he spoke. He wanted to be able to argue with him, but he knew he really couldn't so he nodded instead.

"It doesn't change how I feel," Kurt said.

Blaine tensed a little and continued to stare at Kurt. "How do you feel?"

"Like I can't trust you. I mean, say I do forgive you, and we go back to how we were before this, what happens the next time you feel lonely? And don't say it won't happen because we both know it will."

Blaine opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Kurt was right; he couldn't say that he wouldn't get lonely again because he knew he definitely would get lonely again. He hated that he didn't have Kurt around, that he couldn't talk to him or see him whenever he wanted. He hated the situation they had gotten themselves into even though he knew it was what was best for Kurt. Blaine knew he didn't handle being alone well. He never had been good at being completely by himself, but he also knew that he just had to remember that even though Kurt wasn't physically there, that didn't mean he was alone.

"I won't say that I won't get lonely again," Blaine said after a minute. "But I will say that I won't do that again. That was a huge mistake. I knew it the second I did it, and I swear to God I won't make that mistake again."

Kurt eyed Blaine carefully for a minute. He wanted to believe him, he really did, but he wasn't sure he could. The darkness that had left while he was in Blaine's lap was already starting to creep back in and cause doubts. He knew he still loved Blaine, regardless of what had happened, and he really did want to forgive him, but he couldn't fully get rid of the doubt in the back of his mind. Even though Kurt thought he could move past the roaming hands, he didn't want it to happen again; he wouldn't be able to handle it happening to him again, and he really didn't want to set himself up to fail.

"You can't be sure of that," Kurt replied softly. He hated hearing himself say that, but he had to be the rational one because he knew there was no way Blaine was going to be.

"Yes, I can," Blaine said adamantly.

"Fine. Then, I can't be sure of that."

Blaine's eyes glazed over with unshed tears as he watched Kurt for a few seconds. His whole body tensed as he tried to brace himself for what was coming. This was exactly what he had been so afraid of as he walked up to Kurt's room; this was what terrified him when he first admitted what he had done to Kurt. He didn't want to lose Kurt, and he knew that was exactly what was going to happen if Kurt really couldn't trust him again.

"What are you saying?" Blaine asked, and his voice cracked.

"I'm saying it's going to take me a while to move past this, if I even can," Kurt replied with a tight voice. He was trying to keep it together as best as he could, but he was beginning to fail.

Blaine clenched his jaw to keep a sob from escaping. He closed his eyes and a stray tear fell from one of them. He wiped it away absently and looked back to the other man on the bed. Kurt had tears in his eyes too, but he wasn't letting any fall. Blaine could see the struggle on Kurt's face, could see how he was fighting to stay in control of his emotions. Blaine looked so broken as he watched Kurt, knowing that he was the reason that pain existed for the man he loved.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Blaine choked out for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I know you are," Kurt replied.

Blaine tried to fight back sobs, but a couple escaped from his mouth against his will. He fell forward and put his head in his hands as he continued to cry. Kurt could only watch Blaine that way for a few seconds before he pulled him into a hug. He knew he shouldn't comfort him, but he couldn't sit there and watch Blaine break down and not do anything about it. He loved the man too much to be so heartless. Kurt held Blaine as he cried in his arms, and he let a few tears break free of the hold he had on them. Blaine held onto Kurt like he was going to disappear the instant he let go.

"Honey, look at me," Kurt said as he pulled away just enough for them to lock eyes. "I'm not saying we're done. I haven't hit that point yet."

"It's the 'yet' that's scaring me," Blaine replied.

Kurt nodded. "I know."

Blaine pulled Kurt even tighter, like he was trying to meld their bodies into one. Kurt laid down on the bed, pulling Blaine with him, and held him close until he stopped crying. Kurt had silent tears streaming down his face the whole time Blaine was in his arms. He knew this was wrong, knew that comforting each other wasn't what they should be doing when they were talking about potentially breaking up, but they both needed it.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kurt," Blaine mumbled, keeping his head on Kurt's chest. "I'll be here when, or if, you decide you still want me."

"I'm always going to want you, Blaine," Kurt replied with a kiss to the top of Blaine's head. "That was never a question."

Kurt and Blaine stayed together for a long time while they got control over their emotions. It wasn't until Kurt glanced at the clock on his night stand that he realized how long they had been together like that. Blaine had been in his room for well over an hour, and it was already reaching midnight. Kurt started to sit up slowly, forcing Blaine up as he moved, and they separated, reluctantly on both sides.

"You should probably head home," Kurt said. "You still have school tomorrow."

"Am I going to see you again before you go back to New York?" Blaine asked carefully, sounding very child-like.

"Yeah. I don't leave 'til Monday night."

Blaine nodded and stood up from the bed. He knew he should leave, but he couldn't pull his eyes away from the man still sitting on the bed. Regardless of what Kurt had said, Blaine had this horrible feeling that if he walked out of that room, he would never see him again. Kurt could see the hesitation on Blaine's face so he stood up from the bed and pulled him into a hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt assured him.

Blaine nodded and finally found the strength to walk away from Kurt. He walked out of the room and shut the door behind him, letting out a breath the second he clicked the door shut. He already felt empty even though he had been in Kurt's arms not a minute earlier. Blaine was amazed at how safe and content he felt in Kurt's arms, and how horrible he felt when he wasn't. He was cherishing every look and touch from him, never knowing when it would be the last one. He had to force himself to walk away from the door, away from Kurt.

Blaine walked down the stairs, refusing to glance back, and went to find Finn so he could drive him home. He found him exactly where he had left him, sitting in the dining room, on his computer, with head phone in his ears. He walked behind Finn and tapped him on the shoulder. Finn paused the game he was playing and grabbed his keys so he could drive him home. Neither man spoke until Finn glanced down at the sweats Blaine was wearing and mentally noted that they were Kurt's. Finn gave Blaine a questioning look, moving his eyes from his face, to the sweats and then back to his face.

"We didn't have sex," Blaine said, and it wasn't a complete lie. They didn't actually have sex. Finn didn't need to know what they did.

"Okay," Finn said with a shrug and dropped the topic. He didn't really want to know the specifics of why Blaine was wearing Kurt's sweats.

Save for a quick "thank you" to Finn, Blaine was quiet. He was still reeling from his encounter with Kurt. His mind was still stuck in that bedroom, still hearing Kurt tell him that he might never be able to move past this, still stuck on the "yet." He was trying to come up with something, anything, that would convince Kurt of his loyalty, but nothing came to mind. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Kurt had to grow to trust him again on his own terms. All Blaine could really do was wait.

Finn didn't like the silence. It was making him uncomfortable. As much as he had tried to distract himself while Kurt and Blaine talked, he was curious about how they were. Kurt was his step-brother, after all, and he wanted him happy.

"How are you and Kurt?" Finn finally asked, unable to hold back the question any longer.

Blaine thought about that for a few seconds before he attempted to answer because he really didn't know how they were. "He doesn't trust me."

"Any reason he should?"

"No," Blaine replied with a bitter scoff. "But I'm not going to do that again."

"It's going to take time for him to believe that, man."

"I know. I just wish there was something I could do to convince him that I don't want anyone else."

"Staying faithful this time around is a good start."

"I'm going to."

"Saying it and doing it are two different things."

Blaine glared at Finn, quickly getting angry. "You don't think I will? You really think I would be that stupid? You think I'm gonna fool around again and this time definitely cost myself Kurt? It's not gonna happen, Finn, no way in hell."

"Dude, calm down," Finn said slowly and gave Blaine a sideways look. "I'm not the one you have to convince."

Blaine took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm himself down. "I know. How do I convince him, though?"

"Any and every way you can," Finn answered just as they reached Blaine's house. "Talk to him."

"I tried talking to him about it. I don't think he believes me."

"Then try telling him another way, and if that doesn't work, then you're just going to have to do this the old fashion way."

"What's the old fashion way?"

"Don't do it again, and give him time," Finn said with a shrug.

Blaine gave a slightly sarcastic eye roll. He was really hoping for better advice. He offered Finn another quick "thank you" for the ride and got out of the car. He didn't look back as he made his way into his house, all the while questioning what he could do to help his current situation.

-:-:-:-:-

(**A/N**) – I hope everyone enjoyed. I know it was emotional. I just hoped I captured the feelings well. Also, please forgive me for how long this took. I re-wrote that sex scene (if you could even call it that) a few times because I was never satisfied. I'm still not. I don't think I write sex well. Also, being a girl, I have no practical experience writing two guys together, so please forgive me for that too. I hope the rest of the chapter made up for it.

**Lady Luna Riddle** – Thank you so much! I love that you're enjoying this story.

**oliwiia23** – Thank you! I love knowing that I'm making people feel things. It's a great compliment.

**Magicae** – You are amazing! Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't think I ever had anyone thank _me_ before. That truly was a wonderful compliment.

To anyone else who is reading and not reviewing, thank you so much for reading. I really hope you're enjoying the story.

As always, please review!


	5. Chapter 5

-:-:-:-:-Chapter 5-:-:-:-:-

Blaine grabbed his phone out of the pocket of the sweats as he reached his room. He tossed it on his bed and changed shirts quickly before he grabbed his phone again, forming a text message to the person who had helped give him hope the last time he was at a loss on the Kurt front. He knew she was probably asleep, considering it was past 1:00a.m. in New York, but she would answer him in the morning.

**To Rachel:**

Thanks for the heads up on Kurt.

**To Blaine:**

I'm sorry! He asked me not to tell anyone. -puppy eyes-

**To Rachel: **

It's okay.

**To Blaine:**

So, how did everything go?

**To Rachel:**

Okay, I guess.

**To Blaine:**

And you two?

**To Rachel: **

To be determined.

**To Blaine:**

You two talked though, right?

**To Rachel:**

Yeah. He still doesn't trust me. He's afraid I'm gonna do it again.

**To Blaine:**

You're not going to though.

**To Rachel: **

No, and I told him that.

**To Blaine:**

Maybe you should try telling him in a different way.

**To Rachel:**

Ideas?

**To Blaine:**

What would Kurt tell you to do?

**To Rachel:**

…?

**To Blaine:**

Think about it. I can't tell you everything.

**To Rachel: **

Why not? It's easier when you do :-)

**To Blaine:**

Nope. Your turn to figure it out.

**To Rachel:**

:-(

**To Blaine:**

Don't pout. You know this. Sleep on it. You'll figure it out.

**To Rachel:**

I hope so.

Rachel didn't reply again after that. She let what she said sink in for Blaine. He was still at loss for what to do. He was really hoping Rachel would be more help than she was. He wanted her to tell him exactly what he had to do to make everything better, and she didn't. People were just being wildly unhelpful tonight.

Blaine sighed as he thought about what she said. He didn't know what Kurt would tell him to do, and he didn't know how else to communicate what he felt. He tried talking to him, tried convincing him with words that he wasn't going to betray him again. Blaine laid back on his bed and thought about what Rachel said more. He tried to think of what Kurt would tell him to do if he was in this situation with someone else, not the exact same situation, obviously, but if he was trying to convince someone of something, and talking wasn't working. That was when it hit him. _Maybe talking's not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how_. That was what Kurt had told him last year about Cooper, and he was right. Blaine had always been better at communicating with music than with words.

Blaine jumped out of bed and grabbed his IPOD. He started looking through all the songs to try and find the right one. If he really was going to go as far as singing to Kurt (especially given how it went the last time) it was going to have to be perfect. He stopped when he found the right song and listened to it. The message would work perfectly. It was a love song, albeit a slightly unconventional one, and it would show Kurt that he wasn't giving up on him, on them. Besides, he knew Kurt loved the song. He listened to the song carefully, even though he knew it by heart, and quickly realized that he was going to need help. The song wouldn't work without back-up. He knew he would have to mess with the timing a little too, but he could make it work.

Blaine grabbed his phone and was about to send a text message to the people he was hoping would help him, but he stopped himself when he noticed the time. It was 1:30a.m. He didn't need to bother them that late. He decided he would just talk to them at school and hope they agree to help.

_This might just work_, Blaine thought as he put the song on repeat and planned it out in his head.

-:-:-:-:-

Blaine sat in the choir room with Sam, Tina, Brittany, and Finn all staring at him. He asked them if they would stay after Glee practice so he could talk to them. He had just told them what he would need them to do in order for his plan to work, and he was quite literally sitting on the edge of seat to find out if they would agree or not.

"You were up until two planning this?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Blaine replied slowly. "Will you do it?"

Sam shrugged. "Anything that'll help you stop moping is good by me. I'm in."

Blaine glared at him, but smiled in gratitude. "Thanks."

"Do you really think this will help?" Tina asked.

"I don't know, but it's worth a shot," Blaine said. "It can't make it any worse."

"But singing, really? I mean, why don't you just talk to him like everybody else?"

"I tried talking to him. Besides, Kurt always thought I showed how I felt best when I was singing. Please, Tina?"

Tina sighed. "Fine."

Blaine smiled. "Thank you."

Blaine looked to the last two people in the room. Neither of them were even looking at him. Brittany was looking at her hands in her lap, and Finn was looking at his feet. Blaine knew Sam would be on board, knew he could convince Tina, but he had kind of questioned the other two. Ever since Santana and Brittany had broken up, Brittany hadn't been willing to do much, and he knew Finn might feel strange setting up his step-brother.

"What about you two?" Blaine asked.

"I can get him here," Finn said. "But I swear to God, if this works, and you hurt him again, you won't get a third chance from me."

Blaine went a little wide-eyed at Finn's reply. Truthfully, he had expected the threatening when it first happened, not a couple weeks later, after Finn had more or less forgiven him. Blaine understood it though. He was just being a protective brother towards someone who had hurt the person he was protecting. Finn was able to forgive him once because they were friends, but he wouldn't be able to do it a second time.

"It won't happen again," Blaine said.

Finn nodded. "I'll get him here then."

Blaine and Finn locked eyes for a few moments, a silent "thank you" coming from Blaine. There was an understanding between the two boys. As long as Blaine didn't screw up, they would stay good. If Blaine succeeded in getting Kurt back, and he hurt him, he would be in for a world of pain. Avoiding physical injury was one more reason for Blaine to not mess up, but it was hardly the most important one.

"What about you, Britt?" Blaine asked as he changed his focus to the last person in the room.

"I don't think I should help you because I'm still mad at you," Brittany said. "I don't agree with cheating."

"I made a horrible mistake, Brittany, one I'm not going to make again."

"You hurt Kurt."

Blaine flinched at Brittany's words. He knew they were true, and that was why it hurt him so bad to hear, especially coming from Brittany. Blaine loved Brittany, but she wasn't exactly the brightest of people. When she was mad at you over something then you really messed up. The fact that she was still hurting over her and Santana didn't help how she felt either. She was very emotional about being hurt by someone you love.

"I know, and I'm trying to make things right," Blaine said. "If there was something you could do to make things right between you and Santana right now, wouldn't you do it?"

"Of course," she replied without hesitation.

"And wouldn't you want it to be the best it could be?"

"Yeah."

"That's all I'm trying to do here, Britt. I'm trying to make things right between me and Kurt, and I want it to be the best it possibly can be. Will you help me, please?"

Brittany studied Blaine for a minute. "Okay, I'll help, but if you hurt my unicorn that way again then I will permanently damage the part of your body that you can't keep in your pants."

Blaine didn't know what to say or do at that. He wasn't sure whether he should laugh or be terrified. He wasn't going to cheat on Kurt again so he figured he didn't have to worry about Brittany actually hurting him, but the fact that she threatened it, and meant it, kind of scared him. He took a moment to be grateful that he wasn't a straight male or a gay female because if she got that scary over one of her friends being cheated on, he couldn't imagine what she would do to the person who was stupid enough to cheat on her.

"Thank you," Blaine finally said slowly with a look of slight horror on his face.

"I'm serious, Blaine Warbler," Brittany said.

"I believe you," Blaine replied with a nod and gave Sam a sideways look, which caused Sam to burst into laughter. "Oh, sure, you think it's funny."

"Hey, keep it in your pants, and you got nothing to worry about," Sam replied.

Blaine let out a small chuckle and shook his head. Even though Brittany had thoroughly scared him, and Finn had given him a firm warning, he had the four people he wanted to help him on his side. He had Sam, Tina and Brittany all willing to sing back-up for him, and he had Finn willing to get Kurt there. With everything in motion, Blaine could only hope it worked.

-:-:-:-:-

Kurt sat at his laptop and skimmed over the Facebook page he was on. He read every single message in the message box with crazed interest. It would be weird to see if he was on his own Facebook page, but he wasn't. He was on Blaine's Facebook, and he was completely breaking into everything private he had. Kurt thought he should feel bad about doing it, but he didn't. Blaine knew that Kurt had his password, he had been the one of give it to him, so if he really was trying to hide this, he would have changed the password. Kurt got the idea to go onto Blaine's Facebook last night after he remembered that Blaine had friended someone named Eli just under a month ago.

Kurt read the messages with interest but with a calm that surprised him. He thought he would be angrier as he read over what eventually progressed to cheating. The earliest messages were completely innocent actually. They had talked like they were old friends catching up after years of being apart. Kurt noticed that the more they talked the bolder Eli got. The compliments had started simple with Blaine casually brushing them off. After a few days, Blaine stopped brushing the comments off, and Eli had started getting braver with what he was saying, implying more and more with each conversation.

The first touch of anger hit Kurt when he read Blaine's second to last reply to Eli. "On my way," it said. That was when it happened. That was the night they met up; that was when Blaine had betrayed him; that was the start of the heart break. Kurt was so focused on that message that he barely managed to read the last one Blaine had sent the other man, the one saying that what happened was a mistake, that it could never happen again, that Eli should forget about him. Kurt checked the dates, and noticed that, true to his words, Blaine hadn't messaged him since that night.

Kurt sighed. He wasn't sure what exactly he was looking for when he started reading the messages, but, whatever it was, he didn't get it. He was still at a loss. He wanted some kind of proof that Blaine wouldn't do this to him again, or if he was going to do it again, he wanted to know so he could avoid the pain again. He wanted an answer. There wasn't an answer to this though. It wasn't like this was a test that either of them could pass or fail. That was when the idea struck him; he could make a test.

Kurt wracked his mind for ways to test Blaine. He knew he couldn't just ask him because he knew what Blaine would say. He also knew having someone else ask him was out of the question too. Blaine would say he would never do it again, that Kurt was the only one for him, that he would never hurt him again. Kurt wanted to believe Blaine's words, but he had heard them before. Blaine had claimed he would never do this to him before he ever did it. It wasn't Blaine's words that Kurt was unsure of, it was his actions. He needed some kind of test that would tell him what Blaine would do, not just what he would say.

Kurt sighed as he saw a little notification appear on his screen. Blaine had a new private message. He went instantly to check what the message was, wondering if it was a new message from Eli, but he froze when he saw who it was actually from. Sebastian. A couple of months ago, Kurt would have just brushed off a message from Sebastian, but Blaine's infidelity had made him paranoid. He had to see what the man had to say. With an apprehensive breath, Kurt opened the message.

**I heard you and Kurt are having trouble…Wanna talk about it? ;-)**

Kurt hadn't seen any messages between Blaine and Sebastian, and, unless Blaine had been lying, they hadn't kept it touch since the incident last year. Kurt couldn't deny that Sebastian had him curious. Before he even really thought about how wrong it was to message Sebastian back, he found himself typing a reply.

**How did you hear?**

It only took Sebastian a minute to reply:

**Oh, you know those Warblers, they gossip just as much as they sing. They won't shut up about the fact that the guy you left Dalton for might not even be yours anymore. **

Kurt took a moment to feel the sharp pain of guilt. Blaine had changed his whole life to be with him only a year ago, and now they weren't even sure they were going to stay together. It was amazing how much things could change in a year. Kurt only had the chance to feel guilty for a minute though before a new message appeared.

**Nick says you're pretty bummed about it. I bet I could cheer you up…**

The guilt Kurt had felt disappeared instantly and was replaced by a mix of completely different emotions. He felt angry for several reasons. The fact that Sebastian was very clearly still trying to get into Blaine's pants bothered him, and that Sebastian brought something like that up reminded Kurt of why him and Blaine were going through their trouble to begin with: his boyfriend had caved to a similar proposition from someone else. Calling Blaine his boyfriend, even if it was only in his head, caused a small twinge of possessiveness to creep into Kurt. Despite their troubles at the time, Blaine was still his boyfriend, and he hated that someone else was trying to weasel their way in.

Kurt knew he shouldn't be surprised though. This was how Sebastian always was. It was one of the many reasons him and Kurt had never gotten along. It was one the reasons why Kurt had instantly thought Sebastian was the one Blaine cheated with. Of course, it wasn't the only reason. Blaine had played his part in Kurt's assumption too. Not only had Sebastian always tried with Blaine, Kurt thought a small part of Blaine wanted to be with him too. Sebastian was the only person Kurt had ever felt truly threatened by.

That was when the idea hit him. If anyone would be able to get Blaine to cheat again, it would be Sebastian. All Kurt had to do was convince Sebastian to keep trying with Blaine and to tell him the outcome. The first part would be easy. The second part was the difficult aspect of his plan. Kurt bit his bottom lip nervously as he mentally debated if he really wanted to do this. He finally let out a huff as he made his decision.

**Meet me at the Lima Bean tomorrow at 11:00am.**

Sebastian replied only seconds later:

**See ya then :-)**

With that final message from Sebastian, Kurt decided he finally had enough with Blaine's Facebook. He went through and deleted the conversation between him and Sebastian so Blaine wouldn't suspect anything later and logged off.

Kurt knew his decision might make him a bad person, a bad boyfriend, but he had to know.

-:-:-:-:-

(**A/N**) – I know this chapter is kinda short and pretty boring, but it's needed to set up the next chapter. In the next chapter you guys will get the song and the meeting between Kurt and Sebastian, which has been pretty fun to write so far. Also, because this chapter isn't that fun, I'll try to have the next one up within the next week or so. I make no promises though. It depends on my schedule and how much writing I can get done.

**Magicae**: Thank you so much for reading and thinking this story is still great!

**Lady Luna Riddle**: You're amazing! Thank you for sticking with this story. And I completely agree with you on the two of them growing. It's one of the only good things that came out of the Klaine break-up in the show, in my opinion. I'm hoping to try to have them grow some in this story too. I just don't think I'll actually break them up to do it. They aren't a good couple right now, and they both have serious issues to deal with, but they are still a couple as of right now.

Anyways, thanks to everyone who's been reading. As always, please review and let me know how I did!


	6. Chapter 6

-:-:-:-:-Chapter 6-:-:-:-:-

Kurt sat a table in the Lima Bean with his latte in hand. He had positioned himself at a table that was out of the way but still managed to let him keep an eye on the door. He had arrived fifteen minutes before his meet time, but he wanted to make sure he was there before Sebastian. He glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that any minute Sebastian would come walking in, looking for Blaine.

As if it was clockwork, Sebastian sauntered through the door with a smirk on his face. Kurt couldn't suppress a grumble. He always had hated those stupid smirks of his. He stayed out of sight and watched Sebastian order his coffee. After he got his order he had started looking around the room, obviously looking for someone in particular. After a couple of minutes, Kurt couldn't wait any longer, so he stood up and walked up behind Sebastian. He even cleared his throat a little, attempting to draw attention to himself, but it didn't work. Sebastian had a one track mind.

"Blaine's not coming," Kurt said from behind Sebastian.

Sebastian turned around to look at Kurt, recognizing that voice instantly. Sebastian put on his proud smirk and gave Kurt a once over. "I'm surprised he even told you about this. Aren't you two supposed to be fighting?" Sebastian asked with a slightly cocky tone.

"We are, and he didn't," Kurt replied as nonchalantly as he could. Sebastian gave him a confused look, wondering how Kurt knew about the get together if not from Blaine. "He didn't tell me because he doesn't know about it. I was the one you were messaging last night."

"I see, and what were you doing on Blaine's Facebook?"

"That's for me to know," Kurt retorted a little harshly.

"Hacking into your boyfriend's Facebook," Sebastian said. "Color me stunned."

"I didn't hack. He gave me his password months ago."

Sebastian nodded in acknowledgement. "So, if you're the one I was messaging with last night, then you're the one who wanted to see me for some reason. Care to tell me what that reason is?"

Kurt knew this was why he had asked to meet Sebastian, but he still didn't want to say the words. He hated the idea of doing this, but he really couldn't come up with a better idea. "I have a favor to ask of you."

Sebastian chuckled. "You're joking, right?"

"If you hear what I have to say, and you're not interested, fine, but just hear me out."

"Why should I?"

"How about we start with the fact that I'm the only reason you're pretty boy ass didn't go to juvie last year," Kurt replied icily.

Sebastian's face dropped, the almost constant smirk disappearing instantly. "Fine."

Kurt turned on his heel and walked back to the table he had previously occupied. Sebastian followed and took a seat across from where Kurt was sitting. They stayed quiet for about a minute, each one just watching the other. It was as if they were trying to size each other up without even realizing it. It was at that very moment that Kurt realized he was dreading this conversation. He hadn't thought this thing through fully last night and was only just realizing how much this conversation was going to suck.

"So what's this favor?" Sebastian finally asked in a dead panned voice.

"In order for you to understand the favor, you're going to need some backstory," Kurt said, which caused Sebastian to open his hands as if to tell Kurt to be his guest and give him the backstory. "I know you know Blaine and I are having trouble. Do you know why?"

"No. Either the guys didn't know, or they just weren't telling me."

Kurt watched Sebastian silently for a few moments. He still hated hearing himself admit the hard fact out loud, and the idea of telling Sebastian, the one person who would probably be happy to hear such news, made Kurt sick. His stomach clenched at the thought of telling Sebastian about Blaine's infidelity, but he knew it had to happen. He took a deep breath and decided he would just do it as quickly as possible, just like taking off a Band-Aid.

"Blaine cheated on me," Kurt blurted out.

Sebastian went wide-eyed at Kurt's revelation. He was not expecting to hear that at all. He knew Kurt had moved to New York a couple months ago (the Warblers really did like to gossip) so he assumed the couple just wasn't handling the distance well. After how hard Sebastian had tried with Blaine last year, he figured Blaine just wasn't the type to cheat. He never thought he would hear that he actually ended up fooling around on Kurt. After all, Blaine had told him that he never wanted to do anything that would mess up what they had. He was always very adamant that he wasn't going to do anything that could hurt Kurt. If it hadn't annoyed Sebastian so much, he probably would have admired it.

"Wow," he finally said, unable to really think of anything else to say. "How'd you find out?"

"He admitted it to me," Kurt replied.

"Oh," Sebastian said a little disappointed. He had been hoping for more drama. It took took him another minute of dumbfounded shock before he could get back to the issue at hand. "As fun as it is for me to hear about this, what does this have to do with me? He didn't cheat with me."

"I know he didn't," Kurt answered quickly. Sebastian didn't need to know that Kurt had feared that initially.

"So how did I get involved?"

"Now is when I ask you for a favor."

Kurt paused again, surveying Sebastian carefully. As much as he hated the man, he could acknowledge his attractiveness and why someone would be interested in him, and he knew he would be willing to do what Kurt was about to offer. It was only then that Kurt realized he had no idea what he would do if Blaine failed his "test," especially if that meant he had done something with Sebastian. Until he reached this point in the conversation, Kurt had thought Blaine cheating was the worst thing in the world, but now Kurt saw that, to him, Blaine cheating with Sebastian was the worst thing. That had been a nightmare of his ever since that man entered their lives.

Kurt took another moment to consider what he was doing. Did he really want to set himself up for this potential heartbreak? Keeping hard eyes on Sebastian, he let out a mental huff. He had to know.

"I want to forgive Blaine, but I don't trust him. I want to test his faithfulness," Kurt said.

Sebastian looked at Kurt without responding. Kurt was being too vague, and there could be no misunderstandings here. Sebastian needed Kurt to actually say what he was trying to say. He had no idea where Kurt was going with this or why he was involved.

"I want you to seduce Blaine," Kurt stated with a surprisingly calm voice.

Sebastian gaped at Kurt, not even attempting to hide the shock. His eyes were wide and his jaw had literally fallen. He normally liked to keep himself composed, especially around people he didn't like, but he couldn't contain how dumbstruck he was. That was definitely the last thing he was expecting Kurt to say. Truth be told, he had no idea what Kurt was going to ask of him, but there was no way he thought it was going to be that, especially not after how everything was last year.

"You want me to what?" Sebastian asked once he found his voice again.

"You heard me," Kurt replied. "I want to know if I can trust him again or if he's going to cheat on me again."

"So you're going to set him up to cheat."

"Yeah, and see if he takes the bait."

"Okay," Sebastian said slowly as if he was still trying to wrap his head around this conversation. "Why am I the bait?"

"'Cause I don't think you were entirely wrong last year," Kurt replied, hating to admit this aloud. "I don't think he was interested enough to do anything while I was here, but I do think he was interested in you, and, with me in New York, he'd be most tempted by you."

That small unintentional compliment from Kurt was all Sebastian needed to gain control of himself again. He finally managed to gain some composure back as he let the idea fully sink in. Kurt WANTED him to seduce Blaine. The idea actually sounded kind of fun, so fun that Sebastian wished he could just say "yes" and leave it at that, but he was too curious and had too many questions.

"What makes you think he'd go for it?" Sebastian asked. "I mean, he didn't last year, and that was before the…incident."

"Incident? That's what you're calling it?" Kurt retorted.

"Whatever you want to call it, the question remains. What makes you think he'd go for it now when he didn't before?"

"Because I'm not here now. I was before."

"Okay," Sebastian said with a nod. That sort of answered his first question, but he had more. "Why should I do it? What do I get out of this?"

"The chance to potentially fuck my boyfriend," Kurt replied coldly.

Sebastian felt things low in his belly tighten at Kurt's words. He couldn't deny that that was something he had been wanting to do for a long time, pretty much since the first time he laid eyes on Blaine. The idea of finally getting to have Blaine turned him on more than it should have. He didn't fully understand why Blaine turned him on more than anyone else, but he did. Sebastian couldn't hide the desire from showing on his face.

"I know you still want to," Kurt said knowingly. "It must just eat you up that he turned you down."

"All because of you," Sebastian said with a grimace.

Kurt gave a small smile. "All because of me," Kurt said fondly. "Here's hoping he does it again."

"Speak for yourself. I want him to fail miserably."

"Does that mean you'll do it?"

"A few more questions first."

Kurt let out a little huff but waved for Sebastian to continue.

"How do you know I'll tell the truth?" Sebastian asked.

"Because if you do manage to get Blaine, you won't be able to stop yourself from rubbing it into my face," Kurt replied simply.

Sebastian shrugged. He couldn't really argue Kurt on that logic. It had been a long time since he had wanted to honestly tell Kurt that he lost, that Blaine chose him, that they had fucked their brains out the night before. It wasn't that Sebastian hated Kurt, it really wasn't. Sebastian didn't think much of him, true, but he didn't hate him. He saw him as an obstacle, something that got in the way of him getting what he wanted. He was just the thing that prevented him from getting Blaine.

"I can't really disagree there," Sebastian said which caused him to be on the receiving end of a cold Kurt Hummel glare. He could only smirk in return. "What if I don't get him? How do you know I won't just tell you I did so you cut him out?"

"There would be no point in lying to me."

"Really? I lie to you about this, you think he cheats on you again, you break up with him, and he goes crawling to someone he knows is interested in him. Seems fairly pointed to me."

Kurt gave a knowing smile. "You might be able to lie to me, but Blaine can't. If I called him out on you two getting together, and you guys didn't, I'd know just from his reaction."

Sebastian's face fell a little. "You're actually going to call him out on it if he does it?"

"Yes," Kurt replied. "So, like I said, there would be no point in lying to me because I would know the truth just from Blaine's reaction."

Sebastian grumbled. "Fine. One more question and then you'll have your answer. Don't you feel bad doing this?"

Sebastian didn't know why he wanted to know, why he even cared, but he did. He may not have known Kurt well, but he still didn't think this was something he would do. Maybe being cheated on made him more heartless; maybe he grew up some from his time in New York; maybe the separation had taken its toll on him. He didn't know what it was.

"Yes," Kurt answered without hesitation.

"Then why are you doing it?" Sebastian asked.

Kurt sighed. He wasn't sure he could explain this, especially not to Sebastian. He probably wouldn't be able to explain even to Rachel. He could barely understand why he was doing this himself. He knew all the potential downsides to what he was doing. He could very well be setting himself up for devastation. He wasn't sure he could handle Blaine cheating on him again, especially not with the man sitting across from him. It would be the ultimate betrayal. He knew if it happened it would be the end of him and Blaine. There would be no going back after that. But there was also one very big upside to his plan. If Blaine could turn down advances from Sebastian, one person Kurt knew Blaine had been somewhat interested in, despite what he claimed, that would mean he meant everything he was saying. If Blaine wouldn't cheat with Sebastian, then Blaine wasn't going to cheat. In Kurt's mind, it all made sense.

"I have to know, Sebastian," Kurt said. "After what happened, I don't want to just sit around wondering if he's going to do it again. I need to know I can trust him before I can really forgive him."

"You know this won't be the end all and be all of this," Sebastian said. "He could turn me down and still go with someone else."

Kurt shook his head. "If he turns you down, when you're actively trying to get him, then he'll turn down just about anyone. Trust me."

Sebastian shrugged. He still thought Kurt was putting a little too much faith in his "test," but he wasn't going to argue with him about it. He shouldn't be trying to talk Kurt out of going through with this anyway. Sebastian actually liked the idea. He knew it was going to be a little challenging to get Blaine to want anything to do with him at first, but he also knew that once he got Blaine talking to him, everything else would be fun and easy.

"How are we going to do this then?" Sebastian asked.

"I'm going back to New York on Monday," Kurt answered. "That's when your work's going to start."

"Are you going to still talk to him?"

"Yeah, but I doubt it will be like it was before."

"You know that's just going to make my job easier."

"I know, but I'm still not…okay with him."

"How are we going to stay in contact? I'm going to need some way to keep you updated besides Blaine's Facebook."

Kurt sighed. He didn't like the idea of giving Sebastian his number, but he knew he had a point. Sebastian had to tell him what was going on someway. Kurt took his phone out and brought up a text message, punching in his own number. He set the phone down on the table, facing Sebastian, so he could read the numbers. Sebastian figured out what Kurt was doing and took his own phone out, punching the numbers in and adding Kurt to his address book. He sent Kurt a blank text message so Kurt could have his number stored too.

"I don't need you to tell me every little detail of every time you two talk or see each other," Kurt said. "I just need to know if Blaine falls for you. I'll text you periodically to ask how things are. Other than that, just let me know if something happens."

"Is there a time limit?" Sebastian asked.

"I'm due back home for Thanksgiving. You have until then. That gives you a month."

Sebastian's smirk was in place when he said, "Alright."

Kurt couldn't hold back and eye roll and a grumble at how happy Sebastian seemed. He knew he would like the idea of chasing Blaine, but he had no idea he would be that obvious about it. He thought he might have at least attempted to hide it, but he was wrong. Sebastian sat there with a smirk playing at his lips and a twinkle in his eyes as he thought of all the different things he wanted to do with Blaine.

"I'll talk to you later," Kurt said and got up to leave.

"Aren't you going to wish me luck?" Sebastian asked.

"No," Kurt bit back and walked out of the coffee shop.

Sebastian took another drink of his coffee and let a small chuckle out. _This is going to be fun_, he thought.

-:-:-:-:-

Kurt sat in the passenger seat of Finn's car, glancing over at the man driving periodically. He hadn't been home from the Lima Bean for more than half an hour when Finn came and got him and told him that he needed his help. Kurt was more than a little wary because Finn wouldn't elaborate. No matter how many times Kurt had asked, Finn would just tell him it was something for Glee club. Kurt had thought seriously about not going unless Finn explained, but he couldn't do that. Even though it wasn't his Glee club anymore, he would still help them if he could.

They pulled up in front of the auditorium entrance and got out of the car.

"Finn, are you going to tell me what we're doing here?" Kurt asked.

"I just need you to see something," Finn replied, still avoiding telling Kurt what exactly what was going on.

"You need me to see something in the auditorium?" Finn nodded. "How are we even getting in there? It's Saturday."

Finn took keys out of his pocket and shook them. "There are perks to running the Glee club right now."

"What am I seeing?" Kurt asked as they walked through the door.

"A performance."

Finn had led Kurt to the seats and was trying to convince him to sit, but Kurt stayed standing. He could tell Finn was up to something, and he was getting more and more suspicious about what it was. "What kind of performance?" he asked with an edge to his voice.

"Just watch," Finn said as he took a seat and turned his eyes to the stage.

Kurt kept his eyes on Finn for a few moments before he cast his eyes to the stage. He had a nervous lump in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but he dreaded what was about to happen because he had a feeling that it had something to do with Blaine. Kurt didn't know what to expect as he looked at the stage, but he knew he was either going to really like it or really hate it.

The music started playing, and Blaine, Sam, Brittany and Tina walked onto the stage. Brittany and Tina started harmonizing the beginning of the song; Sam took a spot next to them; and Blaine took a few steps forward and locked eyes with Kurt. Knowing the song almost instantly from the music, Kurt quickly figured out who was going to do be doing what on that stage. Blaine would be singing lead; Sam would be backing him up; and Brittany and Tina were there for the harmonies.

Kurt smiled at the song choice. He was the one who first introduced Blaine to "Angel With A Shotgun." He had been the one to convince Blaine that it was a love song. He had been the one in love with the song. He had never expected Blaine to use that song against him. Kurt remembered what he had told Blaine about this song though. Not only did he explain that it was a love song, but he told him it was about someone fighting for their love, for the person they wanted.

"_I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun, angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun._

_Get out your guns, battles begun. Are you a saint or a sinner?_

_If love's a fight, then I shall die with my heart on a trigger."_

Blaine kept his eyes on Kurt as he sang. He knew Kurt would recognize the song, knew that he would understand what he was trying to say. Blaine hadn't expected to be nervous, but he was. He wanted this to be perfect, needed this is to be perfect. He knew it wouldn't fix everything, knew it wouldn't get him Kurt back, but he needed to show him that he wasn't giving up. Blaine needed Kurt like he needed air, and he wasn't going to give up on him without one hell of a fight. He needed Kurt to understand that he would do anything, be anything, for him.

"_They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for._

_Well, baby, you are all that I adore._

_If love is what you need, a soldier I will be._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won._

_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._

_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._

_Don't you know you're everything I have?_

_And I wanna live, not just survive, tonight."_

Kurt was finally able to move into a seat by the end of the first chorus. He couldn't take his eyes off of Blaine though. The way Blaine's perfect hazel-brown eyes bore into him was making it hard for him to breath. Blaine was doing a wonderful job with the song, and the raw expression on his face was letting Kurt see just how much he meant what he was singing. Kurt always thought Blaine portrayed what he was feeling best with music, and he loved hearing that man sing. It was almost enough for Kurt to forgive him…almost.

"_Sometimes to win, you've got to sin; don't mean I'm not a believer._

_And Major Tom will sing along, yeah, they still say I'm a dreamer._

_They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for._

_Well, baby, you are all that I adore._

_If love is what you need, a soldier I will be._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won._

_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._

_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._

_Don't you know you're everything I have?_

_And I wanna live, not just survive, tonight."_

Kurt caught himself smiling and moving slightly to the music, but he didn't force himself to stop like he knew he should have. Blaine noticed the smile and saw the small spark it Kurt's eyes. He missed seeing that spark so much, missed seeing how it caused his already beautiful blue eyes to lighten just a little. It was the first time he really saw that spark since he showed up in New York. Blaine smiled at seeing Kurt that way. So far, it seemed like his plan was working, and he let himself relax a little.

"_Ooohhh, ooohhh whoa whoa oooh whoa_

_Ooohhh, ooohhh whoa whoa oooh whoa_

_Ooohhh, ooohhh whoa whoa oooh whoa_

_(I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, yeah)_

_Ooohhh, ooohhh whoa whoa oooh whoa_

_(I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun)_

_Ooohhh, ooohhh whoa whoa oooh whoa_

_I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won._

_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won._

_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._

_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._

_Don't you know you're everything I have?_

_(I'm an angel with a shotgun)_

_And I want to live, not just survive._

_(Live and not just survive)_

_And I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight."_

Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine intently as he came to the end of the song. He almost felt bad that he had completely ignored everyone else in the room, but he couldn't fully bring himself to care. This wasn't about anyone else except him and Blaine. He even liked the slight time changes Blaine had to make to the song to keep himself the lead the whole time. Blaine had understood that the message wouldn't mean as much if it had come from someone else. Kurt needed to hear Blaine's voice as much as possible for everything to be properly communicated.

"_They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for._

_Well, baby, you are all that I adore._

_If love is what you need, a soldier I will be."_

Blaine and Kurt locked eyes again and it seemed like time froze for a few seconds. Blaine had just poured his heart out on that stage, hoping against hope that Kurt would understand. Kurt could see everything Blaine was feeling. He very rarely saw Blaine that exposed. He wanted nothing more than to go hug him, tell him everything was going to be okay, tell him that he loved him and wanted to be with him forever, but he couldn't do that. He had gotten Blaine's message loud and clear though, and he was more than willing to give Blaine the chance to prove that he meant every word.

-:-:-:-:-

(**A/N**) – Not too long for an update, right? I actually had a lot of fun writing this chapter because a couple of the things in this chapter have been in my head since I first thought about this story. Kurt's response to Sebastian of "the chance to potentially fuck my boyfriend" is one of those instances. Also, Blaine's performance has been in my head from the beginning. It was initially going to be a little different (I was going to have him sing it at sectionals and have Kurt there to see it) but I prefer how I had it sooner and less rehearsed.

The song Blaine sings is "Angel With A Shotgun" by The Cab. Great song and anyone who doesn't know it should definitely listen to it. I got the idea to use that song thanks to a Youtube Klaine video by the amazing HeartbreakInRomance called "you're everything I have." watch?v=k8_25CkomPw&list=FLk4II4HQGFg9vE0Qfpdzs0A&index=8 That is also definitely worth checking out.

**Lady Luna Riddle** – Yes, there is definite drama coming. I was kind of torn on involving Sebastian too, but I think I like how he's developing in my head. There will good and bad that come out of this. I also thought Brittany would be a little harsh towards Blaine. She loved her unicorn. Also, there is no Bram in this fic so Brittany is going to be dealing with her Santana break-up.

**Jill Cohen** – So happy to hear you're enjoying the story! The Sebastian stuff is going to be tricky, especially 'cause it seems like Blaine is a slight weakness for him, at least to me. We'll have to see how it goes because I only have the first and the last Seblaine meeting in my head.

Unfortunately, I make no promises about when the next chapter is going to be up because school and work are kicking my ass. Also, my fiancé races cars and race season is starting back up so Saturdays (race day) is now going to be a no-go for me as far as writing. I'm still going to try and get one up within the next couple weeks.

Wow. Long author's note so I'm going to shut up now. As always, thank you to everyone who is reading and enjoying this story. Please review and let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

-:-:-:-:-Chapter 7-:-:-:-:-

Kurt and Blaine kept their eyes locked on each other as Sam, Brittany, Tina and Finn walked away, leaving the two of them alone. Both knew they should feel bad for being so consumed with each other that they barely noticed the others, Blaine for not thanking them, and Kurt for not acknowledging their work, but neither of them could bring themselves to care. The most important thing to both of them was the man they were staring at.

Kurt stood up from the seat he was in and started to make his way towards the stage, never taking his eyes off of Blaine, even as the other man started looking nervously at his hands. Blaine's hands were slightly shaking. He wanted to smack himself at how afraid he was. He had never been one to get nervous about performing, but performing for Kurt always affected him.

"That was cheating," Kurt said with a small smile as he got up to the stage. "You know I can never resist you singing."

Blaine gave a shy smile at that. "And I picked a song you liked."

"I understood the message too."

Blaine glanced at Kurt hesitantly before he diverted his eyes again. Kurt hated seeing Blaine so scared like this. In all their time together, he had only seen Blaine this nervous a handful of times, and this was only the second time he hadn't allowed himself to go over and comfort him. Kurt's whole body tingled with anticipation, with a desire to go over to the boy and wrap his arms around him. Kurt forced himself to stand his ground though. He couldn't let himself succumb to his desires. He had to stay logical. He couldn't potentially set himself up for heart break again.

"You know this doesn't fix everything," Kurt said gently.

"I know it doesn't," Blaine responded quickly and looked at Kurt again briefly. "I wasn't expecting this to make everything better. I wasn't even expecting this to make you want me back. I just wanted to make sure you knew that that's what I want, and I'm willing to work for it."

Kurt nodded his head slowly as he made his way closer to Blaine. Kurt reached his hand out and touched Blaine's. It wasn't much, just a soft brush of fingertips, but it was enough to get Blaine to look at him and keep looking at him. The pair looked at each other silently for a few moments before Kurt gave a small smile, and Blaine's breath caught in his throat.

"I know," Kurt said softly.

"I meant what I said the other night, Kurt," Blaine said, conviction heavy in his voice. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here if you decide you want me again."

"I meant what I said too, Blaine. Me wanting you is not in question."

"Maybe, but you also meant what you said when you said you might never be able to get over this." Blaine sounded so defeated as he spoke. He was more than willing to fight to win Kurt back, but he wasn't delusional; he knew there was a fairly good chance that Kurt would never be able to forgive him, and he couldn't even blame him.

"Relationships, especially long distance ones like ours right now, are about trust, and I don't trust you right now. I can't after…" Kurt didn't even want to finish that sentence. He had come to terms with Blaine's infidelity, but he still hated hearing himself say that Blaine cheated.

"I know, and I don't expect you to trust me. I'm not going to do it again though, and I'm going to prove it to you."

Kurt watched Blaine for a moment in silence. He thought back to earlier in the day and his conversation with Sebastian. Kurt had quite literally set Blaine up to fail with his test, and he knew it, but he was giving Blaine a chance to prove himself at the same time. He felt horrible for going behind Blaine's back and putting this in motion, but he had to know, had to find out if Blaine meant what he was saying. He had always wanted Blaine to pass this test, always wanted Blaine to stay faithful, but he didn't realize how much he wanted it until that moment.

"I hope you do," Kurt finally said quietly.

The pair were silent then for a little while. Blaine had moved to sit on the edge of the stage, and Kurt had followed him. They sat with their legs hanging over the edge. Blaine started swaying his legs a little and one of the times when they came back down, his foot hit Kurt's lightly.

"Sorry," he said softly.

"Sure you are," Kurt replied with a small smile. "You're probably just trying to play footsy."

Blaine gave him a sideways look with a small smirk playing at his lips. "No, I wasn't actually, but if you want to play footsy, we can."

"You don't want to start that. I always win at footsy, remember."

"Only 'cause I let you win."

Kurt raised his eye brows and looked at him with a playful expression. "Oh, is that right?"

Kurt took his foot closest to Blaine and nudged Blaine's foot. Blaine chuckled and lifted his legs just enough so that he could wrap his ankles around Kurt's feet. Kurt wiggled his feet to try and get away, but Blaine tightened his grip. Kurt finally managed to get one foot away from Blaine, and he tried to kick Blaine's legs away, but Blaine lifted his leg and caught the once free foot again. Kurt struggled against Blaine's grip a little more before he realized he wasn't going to win. Maybe Blaine was right when he said he always let Kurt win because Kurt was good and trapped.

"Let me go," Kurt said, attempting to sound threatening but failing because he had laughter in his voice.

"Or what?" Blaine questioned.

Kurt wiggled once more, and Blaine tightened his grip even more. Kurt quickly decided that if he couldn't win fairly that he was going to cheat. He reached out and started tickling Blaine's sides. He knew just were to go to get Blaine to fall back and loosen his grip. The instant Kurt started moving his fingers against Blaine's sides, Blaine let go of his feet and tried to grab Kurt's hands to get him to stop.

"That's cheating," Blaine said loudly in between laughs.

"No, it's me being resourceful," Kurt countered.

Even though Kurt had accomplished his goal and got his feet free, he continued to tickle Blaine, and Blaine could do nothing but fall to the stage and try to wiggle away. Blaine was finally able to get a good grip on both of Kurt's hands and force him to stop the tickling, but it stopped mainly because Kurt had cooperated in being stopped. By the time all of it was done, both boys had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard.

"You forget, I always win tickle fights too," Kurt said with a chuckle.

"That was not fair," Blaine replied.

"Who said I was going to play fair?"

The boys laughed again, but then an awkward silence crept over them. What they just did was not something that people in their position should have done, but it felt nice to just be _them_, if only for a few minutes. The footsy battle and tickle fight reminded Kurt of why he was willing to give Blaine the chance to redeem himself, and it reminded Blaine of why he really didn't want to lose Kurt. They fit; they worked together, and neither of them wanted to lose the comfortable playfulness they had as friends or a couple.

Kurt let a quiet sigh of frustration leave his mouth. He hated that he let himself get so relaxed with Blaine sometimes. A part of him actually despised how good Blaine could make him feel because every time he let himself get comfortable, let himself just be himself with his boyfriend, he could feel the cold darkness slip away from him. He felt warm and light and happy when he let himself be with Blaine, but he was always felt the heavy, cold, ache come back once they stopped.

The silence was strained and tension filled. What they had done just now, playing with each other, had felt so natural, but it was so wrong. They both hated that it was wrong though. Blaine wanted to just go back to a couple of months ago when everything was good, and Kurt wanted that too. They missed each other, painfully, but they couldn't just go back. Everything wasn't good with them, not by a long shot. They just forgot that.

The silence was eventually interrupted by Blaine's phone buzzing in his pocket. Blaine took his phone out of his pocket, only wanting to check it in case it was Finn or Rachel. He was fully planning on ignoring anyone else, but he was so shocked when he saw who it was texting him that his eyes went wide and his jaw fell. What the hell could Sebastian Smythe possibly want?

Kurt noticed the surprise on Blaine's face, and it instantly got his attention. "What?"

Blaine glanced at Kurt for a second before he looked back at his phone. He opened the text without answering Kurt. This was too random for Blaine to ignore. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since regionals last year, and Blaine had no idea what Sebastian could have to say to him. It was shock more than anything that led Blaine to view the text message.

**To Blaine:**

You okay? Nick told me about you and Kurt.

Blaine clenched his jaw when he read the message, trying to hold back his immediate anger. It was bad enough that Sebastian knew about him and Kurt having trouble, but did he honestly have to try and weasel his way in? Blaine let out a scoff, and Kurt heard him mumble something that sounded like "fucking Nick."

"What?" Kurt asked again.

Blaine looked at Kurt and handed him his phone. Kurt looked down at the screen and saw the message and who it was from. _Well, that didn't take long_, Kurt thought. He wasn't entirely surprised that Sebastian got straight to work, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't hoping he would have waited until he at least got back to New York.

Blaine took his phone back from Kurt and instantly hit the reply button. He had all intention of typing out a very clear message telling Sebastian to leave him alone.

"What are you going to say?" Kurt asked.

"I'm going to tell him it's none of his business and to leave me alone," Blaine replied as he started typing out the text.

"Why?"

Blaine's finger's stopped and he looked at Kurt. "Are you serious?"

Kurt gave a small shrug. "He asked if you were okay. Maybe he's just concerned about you. You two were friends, after all."

Kurt wasn't entirely sure why he wanted Blaine to talk to Sebastian. It made no sense. Blaine was doing exactly what Kurt wanted him to do. Kurt wanted Blaine to brush Sebastian off, wanted him to be uninterested, but Kurt knew just brushing Sebastian off through a text message wasn't enough. The real test would be when they saw each other, so Kurt had to get them to have at least one meeting.

"Yeah, some friend," Blaine retorted. "He nearly cost me an eye."

Kurt had to literally bite his tongue for a second to stop himself from grimacing at the memory of Blaine screaming out in pain after that slushy hit him. "We both know that wasn't meant for you, Blaine."

Blaine went wide-eyed at Kurt's words. Was he honestly coming to Sebastian's defense? Had he officially spiraled into bizarre world? Kurt hated Sebastian and had made that very clear. In hindsight, Blaine completely understood Kurt's hatred. Sebastian had tried countless times to get Blaine to cheat on Kurt if not actually leave Kurt. Blaine had always made it clear that that wasn't going to happen so he figured it didn't matter if they were still friends. Blaine thought it was a no harm, no foul kind of thing, but, upon later reflection, he realized he had been completely oblivious to the damage his friendship with Sebastian was causing. The slushy incident had simply been the last straw, and it wasn't even because Sebastian had hurt him; it was because Sebastian had been trying to hurt Kurt.

"No, it was a meant for you," Blaine bit out. "And, if anything, that just makes it worse."

"How does that possibly make it worse?" Kurt asked. "You're the one who was hospitalized and who had to have surgery."

"Yea, and all that was meant for you!" Blaine nearly yelled. "My 'friend' meant for you to be in the hospital, you to be in all that pain, you to potentially lose an eye or be scarred for the rest of your life, all because he couldn't stand the fact that I chose you over him."

Blaine was clearly getting angry, and Kurt could tell so he just sat there silently. They had had this conversation numerous times after it had happened, and it always stayed the same. Kurt would tell Blaine that he shouldn't have tried to save him, shouldn't have taken the slushy himself, and Blaine would always respond by saying that he would do it all again, that he would always protect him. Kurt really hadn't meant to rehash that old argument between them when he started this talk, but it was too late.

"You don't get it, Kurt," Blaine said softly as he calmed down again. "I don't care about what happened to me. I know sometimes it seems like I do, but I really don't. That's not what I focus on when I think about it. I don't think about what he did to me. I think about what he was trying to do to you."

Kurt moved a little closer to Blaine and put one of his arms around him. He knew it was a very boyfriend thing to do, but it was also a friend thing, and that was what Blaine needed. He needed to be comforted. Even though Blaine didn't talk about it much, Kurt knew he beat himself up over everything that happened with Sebastian, even if Kurt wasn't the one who got hurt.

"We're both fine," Kurt said softly as he rubbed soothing circular motions on Blaine's back.

Blaine unconsciously snuggled in closer to Kurt. He didn't mean to, didn't think about it, but before he realized it, his arms were wrapped tightly around Kurt's waist.

"Are you going to try talking to him?" Kurt asked hesitantly.

"Why should I?" Blaine mumbled, his head resting on Kurt's shoulder.

"Because he was your friend once, and maybe he has changed."

"What if he hasn't?"

"You won't know until you try. If he has though, this could be good for you. It might be nice for you to have someone who's just your friend instead of both of ours."

"He's going to have to learn to accept you if he's ever going to be a good long term friend."

Kurt gave a sad smile at Blaine's words. Despite everything going on between them, it warmed his heart to hear Blaine talk about them like they were still forever. No sooner than the warmth hit him did the cold take over though. Kurt was sharply reminded to the fact that they weren't forever, at least not definitely. That's what this whole thing was about, after all. Kurt had set this plan in motion to see if they could still be forever.

"Even if we end up breaking up?" Kurt asked, even though he was a little afraid to hear himself speak those words.

Blaine tensed a little at Kurt's question, but relaxed into his arms a moment later. "Even then. Even if you do break up with me, I'm always going to be your friend, Kurt. I'd probably always want more, but I'd always be your friend."

Kurt smiled and gave Blaine's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'll always be your friend too."

The pair were silent again for a little while, but it was almost a comfortable silence. Kurt kept his arm around Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine kept his wrapped around Kurt's waist with his head on his shoulder. They looked like a couple again, if only for a little while.

After a couple of minutes, Blaine let out a soft sigh and asked, "You really think I should talk to him?"

"I think you should give him a chance, yes," Kurt replied.

Blaine very reluctantly lifted his head off of Kurt's shoulder and looked at him. He still didn't understand why Kurt wanted this. Even if Sebastian had changed and had the ability to become a great friend without any innuendoes, Kurt still shouldn't be pushing for this. He shouldn't want Blaine to try and be friends with someone who had intentionally tried to ruin their relationship the previous year, someone he had serious insecurities over. Blaine was oblivious at times, true, but he knew how Kurt had felt about Sebastian. Blaine searched Kurt's face for any indication to what he was thinking, but Kurt was carefully keeping his face empty.

"Fine," Blaine grumbled after a couple more moments of silence. "But I'm only doing this because you want me to."

Kurt gave a weak smile at Blaine's words. He didn't feel right about this at all. He had gotten Blaine to agree to exactly what he wanted, had convinced him to move along with a plan he was oblivious to. He should be celebrating at succeeding. So why was he mentally cursing himself for what he just accomplished? Kurt attempted to brush it off, thinking it was just nerves over how the meeting would go. He didn't realize at the time that it was really heart stopping fear over the meeting and an immense amount to guilt that was plaguing him.

Blaine grabbed his phone again and started a new text message.

**To Sebastian:**

I'm as well as can be expected right now.

**To Blaine:**

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

Kurt was watching Blaine's phone over his shoulder. He patted him gently on the shoulder at Sebastian's response, as if trying to say 'see,' but inside it felt like he was being stabbed in the gut. _Why the hell did I do this?_ Kurt yelled at himself. Blaine glanced at Kurt, and Kurt forced a small smile onto his face, attempting to keep up appearances. Blaine gave an equally small smile back before he brought his attention back to his phone.

**To Sebastian:**

Maybe.

**To Blaine:**

We could meet up for coffee like we used to, help you get your mind off things.

**To Sebastian:**

Okay.

**To Blaine:**

Monday? 4 o'clock at The Lima Bean?

Blaine looked at Kurt and noticed how intently he was following the conversation. He thought again about questioning Kurt's motives but decided against it when Kurt looked at him. Kurt kept his face securely unreadable, and Blaine didn't like it because he could almost always read Kurt. Instead of pushing, Blaine let Kurt keep his mask in place and left it alone.

"What time do you leave Monday?" Blaine asked.

"I have to be at the airport at 5:30 p.m.," Kurt answered. "Why?"

Blaine didn't answer Kurt because he knew he would see why he asked once he read the next part of the conversation.

**To Sebastian:**

No can do. Kurt leaves at 5:30, and I want to spend time with him before he has to go.

Kurt gave Blaine a small, genuine smile as he read what the text message said. Blaine gave a playful eye roll at Kurt's response. As if there was any doubt that Blaine would want to spend all the time he could with him. A small sting of guilt hit Blaine as his mind registered that Kurt did have reason to doubt. Kurt had reason to doubt Blaine in every sense of the word, and Blaine couldn't even hold it against him.

**To Blaine: **

Okay. How about 8 o'clock?

**To Sebastian:**

That should work.

**To Blaine:**

Okay. I'll see you at The Lima Bean Monday at 8 then.

**To Sebastian:**

Yeah. See you.

Kurt gave Blaine a small smile as he tore his eyes away from his phone. He noticed how tightly Blaine was gripping the phone in his hands and noticed the tension in Blaine's shoulders. He, for the hundredth time, allowed himself to feel the small twinge of guilt at setting Blaine up. He knew he should have just let Blaine turn Sebastian down and be done with it, but he couldn't trust a dismissal through a text message. Blaine was trying though, and that meant a lot to Kurt.

"You didn't have to do that," Kurt said softly.

"You want me to give him a chance," Blaine replied as he set his phone down. "So, that's what I'm doing."

"I meant changing the time. You could have gone at 4 o'clock."

Blaine looked at Kurt like he just suggested the most ridiculous thing on the planet, and, in Blaine's mind, he did. There was no way Blaine was going to waste time with Kurt by spending time with Sebastian. Not only did he know that was probably the worst thing he could possibly do considering their current situation, but he wanted to see Kurt as much as possible while he could. He knew he was going to have to go back to being alone, to Kurt being far away, to not being able to have him, but he was going to milk the time they had, even if it wasn't perfect.

"No way. I'm going straight to your house after school and spending every minute I can with you until you have to leave," Blaine said and then gave a nervous smile. "That is, if you want me to."

Kurt gave a shy smile. "I think that sounds perfect."

Blaine gave a genuine smile at that and looked at Kurt with obvious hope in his eyes. Kurt almost wanted to chuckle at Blaine and how much he resembled a puppy who just got told he was a good boy. Kurt could understand Blaine's expression though. He had done something right, and he knew he did; he had pleased Kurt with how he handled the situation. Kurt felt oddly like he should reward him so he did, in a way.

Kurt pulled Blaine into another hug, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck. Blaine responded immediately and wrapped his own arms around Kurt's waist. Blaine settled his head on Kurt's shoulder again, and Kurt allowed himself to breath in the scent of his boyfriend. He nuzzled his face into Blaine's neck, and he could hear Blaine let out a gentle sigh. Kurt knew in that instant that this was how it was supposed to be, this was how they were meant to be. He just hoped fate, and Blaine, agreed.

-:-:-:-:-

(**A/N**) – I know I'm the worst for how long this has taken me, and I'm sorry. Sebastian wasn't cooperating, and by that I mean that once I let him get "on screen" so to speak, he wouldn't go away and let me write the boys. So, I already have the start of the first meeting between Blaine and Sebastian written just to shut Sebastian up. It won't be for another couple chapters though because our boys have some things to work out first.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading this story; it means the world to me.

**Jester's Pet Oriole** – Thank you for the compliment. I completely understand where you're coming from. You'll have to wait to find out how everything plays out though.

**Nekokitty55** – As I said, you'll have to wait to find out how everything plays out. It will be interesting.

**Lady Luna Riddle** – Kurt is definitely crossing lines here, but I think it will be explained why…kind of at least. I wasn't initially crazy about bringing Sebastian into the story either, but I'm hoping the Seblaine stuff isn't too bad for you. My version of Sebastian is a little different than what I thought he would be, and I hope that helps. And don't worry, this will NOT become a Seblaine fic at all. Our boys will still be the main concern, even if Sebastian has a couple guest spots.

**Ichrisp** – Thank you so much! I'm happy someone can at least sort of see where Kurt is coming from, even if it's not the smartest move on his part.

**Nani CW** – You'll have to keep reading to really find out what happens, but I will say that I'm a Klainer at heart. Take that as you will.

Please read and review! I really hope the next chapter doesn't take me as long, and I already have it started, but I warn you, the next two chapters are very heavy, so they're not the easiest to write.


End file.
